A Blessed Life

Over half way there!

2012-01-20T11:26:00.000-08:00

I suppose it's about time for an update on this pregnancy. I'm ashamed to say that this baby already has 2nd child syndrome. When I was pregnant with Libby, I updated my blog almost weekly on her growth (and mine) and read every daily Baby Center article. Not quite the same this go around. It certainly isn't any less exciting. I could probably come up with many excuses, but I'll spare you. Here is a picture of me today at 22 weeks pregnant or for you non-pregnancy literate readers, almost 6 months.

And in case you missed the news on Facebook, we are having a BOY! See the stem on that apple?!

This little guy is still nameless as Eric and I can't seem to agree on anything. Maybe it wasn't quite as easy as I remember it, but it seems like we had a much easier time picking out a name when we were having a girl. It is really a very daunting task. A name has so much meaning behind it. And considering you carry it with you your entire life, I want to make sure we choose the right one for our son. For example, I suggested to Eric that I liked the name Brick (stole that one from The Middle, great show!). His reply was that he could not name his son anything that rhymed with....uh...well....you can fill in the blank there. I suppose it's a valid point. Life is hard for a kid, but it's even harder if your name rhymes with slang terms for male genitalia.

The question that I am asked most often right now is "how are you feeling?" So I'll answer it here in case you're wondering too. I'm great. Seriously. Second trimester is definitely the most enjoyable and most comfortable. Although I did not have to battle morning sickness early on, the fatigue of 1st trimester is so overwhelming. At least with my 1st pregnancy, I could nap during the day when I was home. Not the case this time. Libby takes one nap a day, it doesn't last very long, and that is the best time to put up those dishes that have set in the dishwasher all week, start one of the thirteen loads of laundry piling up, or best yet, update my blog :) So I'm definitely glad to be past that stage of it. And the best part of 2nd trimester, the part that I love more than anything is the sweet, sweet movements of life inside. He isn't big enough that his kicks and jabs hurt yet, but just big enough that I can occasionally see my belly ripple and jump as he does whatever it is he does in there. It truly is amazing. I remember missing this part after I had Libby, almost craving to feel it again.

So this is a photo from my pregnancy with Libby at exactly 22 weeks as well. I like seeing the comparison. Overlook the daisy dukes. I don't think I even realized what I was wearing when I took this pic. Or actually, it's more likely that I just didn't care as it was mid-July and even just stepping outside to get the mail made me sweat. Yeah, that's probably it. I had a bit more weight on me at this point too. A word of advice to leave with any1st timers reading this: eating more (and I mean above and beyond what's recommended) only makes you porkier elsewhere, it does not make your baby bump show any sooner :)

Dear 16 year old me,

2012-01-07T10:47:00.000-08:00

With 10 years in retrospect, I wish you could heed these words I am about to share. Stress and heartache will be all that you sacrifice.

To begin with, despite what you think, you really don't know everything. Mama and Papa are worlds smarter and wiser than you. With five plus decades more of life experience than you at this point, a little more respect for their opinion would do you much good. No, they didn't offer to buy you a brand new car, but instead encouraged you to begin work at the age of 15 to begin saving for your own. Try not to be so consumed with jealousy over the brand new cars that your friends' and classmates' parents have bought for them. The lessons you will learn about work ethic, money management, and responsbility will get you much further in life than you can realize right now.

And those so called "popular" kids....stop comparing yourself to them! The relationships you have with your own best friends are so much more genuine and fulfilling than the friendships you desire with that clique. And no, your clothes aren't as expensive or nicely put together as theirs. It's really ok. Your grandparents have way to much sense (and have taught you the same) to spend that kind of money on such frivolity. Oh, and those parties they have on the weekends...God is only protecting you. Stop wishing you were invited. Instead, enjoy every minute that you and your best friend spend eating out and sleeping over on the weekend. You will miss it greatly one day.

Stop making yourself feel not good enough all because that guy won't give you the time of day. He has no right to make you question your own self worth. Because you truly are more valuable than you can even imagine right now. In just a few short years, God will give you the man who will help you realize just how worthy you are. He will be so much more than you ever thought you would have in a husband. He will give you the most beautiful daughter (and soon, the most adorable son). Plus, he is way hotter and more perfect for you than any of these boys in high school.

Lastly, try to get along with your sister better. So what if she wore your shirt without asking or broke your favorite pair of sandals?! Truly, the world won't end. Trust me, it's 10 years later and I'm sitting here writing this to you. Hang out with her whenever you get a chance. Because despite how excited you are for her to move out soon and get her own apartment, you are really going to miss her. And in just a few years, you'll wish that your bedrooms were still connected by just a little bathroom.

Sincerely,
Your future self

Condolences Appreciated

2011-12-29T10:42:00.000-08:00

We grieve the loss of a dear, beloved friend today. Over the past 2 years, she has been known by several aliases around our home. Pass, Papis, and more recently, Haci. Here she is in her final moments.

What happened, you ask? I understand your curiousity, but it would be too morbid to share all of the explicit details of this massacre. I can tell you that scissors and a manual decapitation were involved. The look of disgust on Libby's face is enough to desribe the utter brutality of the whole incident. I hang my head in shame.

If you can't bear to read further, I understand. To watch a mere toddler in her desperate attempt to revive her dearest friend....well, there are no words.

This is all that remains of our beloved paci. Rest in peace my friend.

A Blessed Life

2011-12-22T20:56:00.000-08:00

Here it is folks. The new design and more importantly, new title. A Blessed Life. So maybe it isn't the most creative or original title ever, but it was the one I kept coming back to. At 26 years old, to have a husband who cherishes me and has put me on a pedestal since day 1, a beautiful daughter and another baby on the way, a career that I love, and the best, most supportive family anyone could ask for....yeah...I have one blessed life. So what better than to let my blog reflect just that.

I'm loving my new design as well. Much cleaner, a bit easier to navigate, and definitely more modern. Exactly what I was going for.

You still may see a few tweaks here and there over the next few days. For example, the photo header at the top isn't displaying with the clarity that I would like. Any suggestions there how to improve that?

So what do you think? Do you like the new changes? Any suggestions?

Internet at last!

2011-12-18T18:31:00.000-08:00

There are few things that I require to survive, the obvious shelter, food, water, etc. While internet may not make that list, it is pretty darn close. After a week and a half without having it at home, its quite a rewarding experience to open my computer and see that wonderful address bar spinning its arrow and opening my Yahoo homepage. And alas, I can finally update you all on our transition to TN.

Obviously, I need a name for my blog. I'm working on it. It's much more challenging than you might think. I suppose I could go for the simple and change it to Life in Franklin, but that doesn't have quite the same flow. And I want something that I won't have to change again in the future. And something that reflects the intent of this blog. Which I am also having to ponder. So, yeah, you never guessed so much went into the title of a blog, huh?!

Anywho, we are settling in nicely to our new home. It has started to feel as just that, home. The first few days didn't feel like home at all. With boxes everywhere and not knowing where anything in the town was, it felt more like a chaotic vacation. Libby must have felt that way as well. Her behavior hit a new level those first few days. She whined and cried about 75% of that first full day. I couldn't be out of site and she wanted to be on my hip whenever possible. She's much better now and really enjoying her new space.

I began my new job last week. I would say I'm enjoying it thus far, but I'd be lying. The first week, as always, is orientation. So, I'm not even on my floor. In fact, I haven't even been in the actual hospital that I'll be working at. It's been grueling, long days filled with policies, rules, and care standards that I learned in nursing school. Two things I have been reminded of after this past week is 1. Five day work weeks are not for me 2. Rush hour traffic in Nashville is from the devil. On a more positive note, however, I have also learned a few things about Baptist Hospital that have me very excited about my new job there. Apparently, it's known as THE baby hospital of Nashville. Even country music stars in the area often choose Baptist to deliver. That in and of itself is exciting! But to give you an idea of what I mean by it being THE baby hospital...so Baptist is owned by a larger chain known as St. Thomas (I know, it's weird, the name is Baptist but it's owned by a Catholic hospital). There are 4 hospitals within this area owned by St. Thomas. Total, the 4 hospitals had roughly 9,000 deliveries last year. Of those, Baptist alone delivered over 7,000. That many deliveries = a great opportunity to learn and grow in my career!

Baby #2 is growing right along. I'm 17 weeks now and have already begun feeling those amazing movements that remind me of the life growing inside me. How I have missed that! It is truly indescribable and makes my heart overflow with each little flutter. I'm also not able to really hide that little life inside me anymore. Both of these things have happened a bit sooner than they did in my pregnancy with Libby. Not that I didn't expect it since it's the second time around, but they are both still such sweet milestones to reach.

We are enjoying our new group of students and getting to know our new church family. I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful they have been to us so far. It has made the transition so smooth. We are so grateful and feel blessed beyond measure right now.

Check back in and be looking for some new changes, including a new blog name and layout. If I can figure out my husband's new MacBook, I'll have this blog looking awesome in no time!

Beginning a new chapter...

2011-11-14T07:53:00.000-08:00

....that is exciting, a bit scary, and very bittersweet. The first step in writing this new chapter began Friday when we officially listed our house for sale (see it here! ). Our first house. Our first mortgage. The house that we began our family in together. The house that we have loved and enjoyed for the past four years. It has truly been a blessing and I hope that the next owners will love it the way we have. Isn't it charming?!

The next in sequence for this new chapter is actually the reason for selling our house. Some of you may already know as Eric announced it to our church yesterday, but we will soon (as in beginning of December) be relocating to Franklin, TN. Eric has been called to serve as student minister at a church there. While we are so excited to see how God will use us there, it is also an incredibly hard thing to leave WSBC. Even before Eric served on staff here, as college students we grew in our faith here at this church. In our pre-Libby days, we grew as a couple and felt so loved by the people of this church. And as student minister, Eric has been able to minister to, love on, and be loved by some of the most amazing youth (and parents) we've ever known.

Not only is Eric leaving a position he loves, I'm also giving up job I love. Labor and delivery is my passion, so landing my dream job right out of school was an amazing opportunity. I have loved every minute of my time on 5 east and am still heartbroken to leave it. I'm praying hard and trying to remain faithful for another position in l & d with people who are as wonderful as my coworkers now.

Bittersweet is the only way to describe it. While I've just told you of those things that make it bitter, the sweetness of it is greater yet. And that sweetness is family. I have lived nearly 6 hours away from my family since the day I moved away for college SEVEN whole years ago. While my life has been full and incredibly blessed over these last 7 years, there has always remained a heaviness and longing to be closer to my family. Especially after having a child of my own. So when God presented this opportunity to serve a new church and a new group of students, albeit the timing could have been better in our opinion ;) we couldn't ignore it. And trust me, Eric tried hard. He will tell you how much he wanted to find reasons that this church wasn't where God was leading him. But he couldn't. And well, as usual, God said just trust me. And so we are.

Our greatest leap of faith here, is yet another important event in this chapter. Perhaps the most exciting yet. Are you ready for it? Because I've been dying to tell you. So here it goes....we are having another baby! Due May 25....which puts me at about 12 weeks and days along. So no, we don't the sex yet but we do know that ~~our~~ Libby's world will soon be turned upside down. Besides the fact that with the relocation we may have to yet again go through another pregnancy with no maternity coverage, I'm most concerned about how Libby will adjust to the competition of a sibling. And as much as I hate to use that word competition, she truly will view it as that. She is 100% mommy's girl and has some pretty extreme jealousy issues when it comes to my attention. Any helpful suggestions for preparing her ahead of time are warmly welcomed. Here is our sweet new addition in his/her first photo about a month ago.

So, this is alot of news in one short bit of time, I know. And I'm not sure how calm I may come across from reading this, but trust me I'm really not. I am so full of excitement and fear both. It's very overwhelming. Almost to the point of disbelief. Which may explain why I have not made even one attempt to begin packing for this move that is less than a month away. So, please pray for us in the midst of this transition. And if you know of anyone in the Jonesboro area looking for a great house full of character (and income property attached) please send them our way ;)

Remembering

2011-09-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

It has been just over 7 months since my dad passed away. There hasn't been a day that I don't think about him. Perhaps what I hate the most is knowing that Libby will never get to know her papa Jerry. And what I'm most afraid of is forgetting the fine details. Things like his smell and the sound of his laugh. Even just typing those words bring tears to my eyes, because those are the things that keep him so real to me still. I wanted to blog about this, though, not to remind myself (or you) of the void, but to help remember those great, wonderful idiosyncracies that made him who he was. If you knew him, I hope you enjoy reading these things as much as I enjoy remembering them.

This isn't exactly a memory that I have of him, but rather a story that I heard numerous times growing up. So, if I don't get all the details exact, forgive me. But it sums up his character wonderfully. Years before I was born, he had an "altercation" with a guy who lived in apartment across from him. In the parking lot of the complex, my dad apparently won said altercation and knocked the guy unconscious. My tender hearted, compassionate dad felt too bad to just leave the guy in the lot so he carried him up to the guy's apartment and knocked on the door so he could leave him there. Upon seeing the situation, the guy's roommate proceeded to attack my dad. And I don't think he won this time. But again, perfect picture of my dad's character.

Daddy loved to play his guitar. He loved to sing. Although, he was much more talented with the guitar than he was vocally (and unfortunately, I inherited the same vocal talent, or lack thereof). He was rock and roll to the core. Lyndard Skynard and The Eagles were some of his favorites. Some of my favorite memories with him are riding in his 70' something Malibu, windows down, and Lynard Skynard blaring on the radio.

There was no down-time for Daddy. From sun up to sun down on the weekends, he spent his time working on his car or truck, welding just for fun, or whatever else he could find to do out in his garage. There was always something to be fixed. And of course the rock radio station playing in the background.

I can still smell the Camel cigarettes on his clothes and Busch beer on his breath. I used to think it was a harsh smell. When I remember it now, I feel oddly comforted. When I think of this smell, it's like he is in the room next to me. It is the most vivd way I can remember him. Smell has a funny way of doing that.

When he was frustrated with me, which happened quite often as a kid, he made one particular facial expression. I can see it in my memory quite vividly too. He would smash his lips together and outward, making a disappointed yet reassuring grin. His nostrils would flare slightly and his brow would descend a bit. If you could see me now, on the other end of this screen, I'm making the same face. I can't think about him making that face without doing it myself. Man, what I'd give to see him make that face again.

When I was around the age of 3 or 4, Daddy was really into body building. It really fueled the idea that all little girls already have that my Daddy is bigger than yours and he can fight off ANYBODY! And I truly believed it. We stayed with my dad on weekends growing up. He lived in a double-wide for a good portion of it and I was always terrified when bed time arrived. For a while before he remarried, my sister and I would always end up in the bed, the waterbed, with him because we were too scared to sleep in our own bed. And then everything was ok. I was safe. As long as he was within arms reach, I knew nothing could happen to me. Of course, when we woke up in the morning, he would always have managed to make his way to the couch. I suppose a queen sized water-bed is a bit tight for 2 squirmy little girls and a full-sized body builder.

Daddy made the most amazing home-made pizzas. Really, he could put Pizza Hut to shame. Oh how I've tried to recreate his pizzas....and failed miserably. I wish I knew his secret. Yet another thing left unshared because I alwasy assumed I would have plenty of time to ask. How foolish.

As a young kid, people used to tell me how much I looked like my dad. I would always argue that I didn't look like a boy. On the inside, however, I was proud. In fact, I loved being told that. I don't hear it anymore, and haven't for a long time. I don't look much anything like my dad now as an adult. Except for my feet. Especially my big toe. It's true. We used to joke about our big toes, that it looked like a cartoon whose thumb got smashed by a hammer. You know, when it inflates with pain. That's what our big toes look like. Ask me someday, I'll show you.

It's memories such as these that I'm afraid will fade overtime. If you have a memory of Daddy, I'd love for you to share it in the comments. One of the best parts of Daddy's funeral service was when the preacher shared a personal story about my dad that I had NEVER heard before. This man knew my dad in a totally different role than I did and I cannot describe how much joy it gave me to see a new little piece of my dad that I never knew.

Quirky girl!

2011-09-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

Many of you have never had the joy of meeting my precious Libby. If you have followed my blog for any length of time, you may feel like you know her, but I assure you, I could never fully capture her essence even if I wrote ten books about her. Her soul runs deep. Her beauty stuns me. And her personality is so QUIRKY! As a child of mine and Eric's, I suppose this would come as no surprise (no comments needed from my family on this topic :)

How many other toddlers do you know that say "funny" instead of laughing when something humorous happens? Or who get excited for nap time and bed time? Or better yet, who walk themselves to their crib and ask for "night, night"?!

When she eats, it is inevitable that whatever she is eating will end up in her hair. Usually because she chews for a few seconds, spits out a little something and uses it for hair gel. Generally, she just can't keep her hands out of her hair. She is always twirling it around her finger, even in her sleep.

She is pretty indifferent when it comes to toys, especially at home. Despite the mounds of toys pushed behind furniture and shoved into boxes at our house, she would much rather be in my lap reading a book or watching a movie (particularly Tangled, lately).

She is so clumsy (again no comment needed on this). I'm constantly kissing boo-boo's and wiping away tears. And yes, I know that is just part of toddlerhood, but really, its above average for this one. My nephew, who is 8 months younger has better balance than she does. That kid can climb anything you set in front of him and never even waiver. Lib can think about climbing this same thing and fall over. It's true.

We are improving in this area, but up until a few months ago she wanted nothing to do with affection, except from me of course. She didn't even want you to hold her hand. Forget hugs or kisses. She had a clear line drawn for her personal boundaries and would firmly let you know if you crossed it. Fortunately, now with enough persuasion she will give hugs and on the very rare occasion, kisses (again, with me being the exception...I get them all the time!)

She is utterly disgusted by "boogas". She wants them out of her nose and definitely off of her fingers. This morning while she was eating a cereal bar, she removed a piece of granola from her mouth and with true fear in her voice, she said "booga". Not sure what gave her that idea, but yeah....

What a girl!

Coming soon

2011-09-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling the itch to do some cosmetic repairs to my blog. It seems to happen about once a year. So, the next time you stop by, it may not look quite the same. So, this is your heads up.

I'm not a spanker

2011-08-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago, Libby and I treated ourselves to some shopping and dinner at the mall. Okay, so maybe that part was more of a treat for me, but then I treated Libby to playtime in the mall play area. As usual, I left thinking "wow, what just happened here" (Click here to read about last time) It started out great, Libby was having a blast climbing over the little plastic animals and going down the slide (all by herself!). Then, another little girl, nearly her size, but about 9 months younger toddles into the play area. Naturally, when the little girl walks over to me, Libby has to run over and make sure my attention is still all her's. This little girl, whom I will call Sue so I don't have to keep calling her little girl, takes one look at Libby and grabs her by the arms. I wasn't quite sure yet what was about to happen, I thought maybe she was about to hug Libby. But no...not quite. After jabbering several incomprehensible words, she then proceeds to push my child backwards a bit. Now, I know, most moms would have jumped up and scolded Sue, but I just sat back for a minute. Libby was fine and I wanted to see how she would handle this. Not having any siblings, Libby is not very accustom to rough play. Little Sue pushes another time and continues to advance toward Lib and Lib continues to back away with a very confused, slightly scared look on her face. Finally, Libby bumps into one of the plastic animals and falls on her bottom. Then, Sue's mom jumps up, grabs her aggressively by the arm, and smacks her hand (with just about all of her strength) while shouting "no, no, no, you don't hit others". She makes Sue sit on the bench for several minutes. When she gets up from her time out, Sue heads right back toward Libby and starts with the pushing again. Here comes mom and the same reaction as last time, except she smacks a bit harder and longer this time and drags her by her arm back over to the bench. Poor Sue.

I desperately wanted to explain to this mother the irony in her method. Here she is telling her child not to hit while she smacks her over and over. Is it that hard to see? How, in this day and age, can people not realize that children are simply imitators. And what's worse is knowing that if this is how she punishes poor Sue in public, then I know it must be much worse at home. No wonder Sue is so aggressive. And, no wonder my child stood there defenseless not even sure how to react to such behavior.

First of all, let me say that you are entitled to your own opinion on this topic, as am I. Secondly, let me also say that I am not completely anti-spanking as whole. The approach that many parents take to spanking, however, I am against. I do not think less of parents who spank, but I do think for many it is out of ignorance. Most people like to jump on the cliche' that "well, my parents spanked me and I turned out great". And usually the ones who say this, I'm thinking, really, maybe you should reexamine that idea.

I never want to be the person who does things one way simply because that is how they have always been done. Unfortunately, many people stick to this train of thought when it comes to spanking. Personally, I think that spanking should be saved as the absolute last resort or for something that needs immediate effect, say for safety issues like running in the street or trying to stick things in electric sockets. For other issues, isn't it our jobs as parents to try and prepare our children for the real world and to be adults one day? So what lesson will my child learn if I simply spank her for everything she does wrong? I'm pretty certain that when I screw up, nobody comes along and smacks my hand or beats my behind with a belt. So why do we do that kids?

This does not mean I let Libby get away with no punishment. But, generally, we don't have to punish very often. Why? #1 We model positive, loving, gentle behavior. We don't push her around, yell at her, or at each other #2 We reinforce the good behavior that she displays with hugs and positive words (thankfully, these work for now, but I know eventually she will require more ;) And not to say that we are perfect at this or that Libby is a perfect child, not by a long stretch. Trust me, there are times when I really want nothing more than to wear her little bottom out, such as the morning diaper change that she hates so much and protests by crying, kicking, and trying to get off the changing table. But I know that is only going to get out my frustration. And how awful to hit your child simply because you are angry and frustrated. I don't know about you, but that is not the message I want to send to my child.

I could write a whole book on this topic. There are plenty of great ones out there, however, so I probably never will but it is really unfortunate that those parents who actually read those books, aren't generally the ones who really need to change. I only wish I would have had one on hand the other day to give to Sue's mom.

I'm a nurse!

2011-08-07T19:16:00.000-07:00

As I promised, as soon as school was finished I'd be back to blogging. So why not start off by telling you about the capstone of my BSN education....my pinning ceremony. Since ASU no longer hosts (or pays for) nursing students to hold a pinning ceremony, a few of us formed a comittee way back at the beginning of the school year and began planning for it. We wanted to it be special, elegant, and intimate. And it was. I was so pleased with all of it (well, almmost all of it). See, I volunteered to give the invocation prayer. Here I am welcoming everyone and about to give the prayer.

Naturally, I planned ahead and wrote out my prayer. What? Yes, I wrote out my prayer. There is a time and place for unrehearsed, spontaneous prayers, but this was not it. I felt great about it, not nervous at all. I'm quite comfortable with public speaking and usually do very well. Until....I approach the podium and hear in the squeakiest little voice "MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!!" I lost my entire train of thought. The nice, eloquent words I had prepared for the welcome and prayer were now in a cloud of jumbled up thoughts in my brain somewhere. I can see (and can still hear) my child as well as the rest of the nearly 200 people in the auditorium. I begin to feel the blood flush my cheeks. I can audibly hear my heart pounding in my ears. I give all efforts to control my shaky voice, but can't tell how efficiently that is working. As I close with "In Jesus name, amen", I am thinking to myself, dear lord! What in the world did I just say?! Even now, I'm not exactly sure what words came out of mouth. Isn't anxiety the worst?!

Luckily, my classmate Nancy proceeded with a great personal and comical speech to make up for my lack of delivery on the invocation. We recognized some outstanding instructors and students and then moved onto the actual pinning. We were able to choose any RN we wanted to pin us. It was a such a sweet idea. Many students chose their mothers, sisters, close friends, etc. Above, you can see me recieving my pin. I chose a close friend and instructor to pin me. She is an amazing woman, someone I aspire to be like one day.

So, after my pinning, Libby was very excited to be back in my arms. Here she is "congratulating" me with a kiss (well, ok, maybe I'm just stealing a kiss).

My grandparents, my biggest fans, and biggest supporters. If it weren't for them, I certainly would not be where I am today. They have always enabled me to accomplish my dreams. They have always told me I am capable of anything. I am so thankful to have had such amazing people raise me and encourage me to always reach for the next highest step in life. I may be an over-achiever, but these are the ones to blame ;) And I don't think there has been a single photo of Papa taken in the past 10 years or so where he is actually looking at the camera.

Here I am with Eric's mom and brother. Eric was on a mission trip to Peru so it was great having them here to celebrate with me. And Libby absolutely loves her Uncle "E". He was her own personal entertainer for the night, ~~except during the invocation prayer, where were you then Lee?!~~

And finally, my Aunt Barbara and Uncle Jim. It is a rare occasion to catch Aunt Barbara in a photo because she is always the one behind the camera. I'm blessed to have them so nearby, only a couple hours away. In fact, there have been a number of nights that Aunt B has made the drive to come ~~babysit~~ keep me company on nights that Eric has had to be out of town. I don't know what I'd do without them!

It's been a long and stressful year, but I am so thankful for it. A lifelong dream finally realized. So what's next you ask? You'll have to stay tuned and see :)

Be Back Shortly

2011-07-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

I'm still around, I promise. I didn't realize it had been over a month since I last blogged. And the bad news is this isn't much of a blog post. I'm only letting you know how crazy busy this summer has been, hence the reason for zero posts lately. Stay tuned though. I am less than 3 weeks away from finally graduating nursing school and I will hopefully get a life back. Lots of funny stories to come. Promise!

Kids say the darnest things...

2011-05-26T13:12:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, I was at a friend's house. She is nearly 10 years older than me, with 3 kids, and also married to minister. That's actually how we met. We served at the same church together. For whatever reason, we were in their bedroom. I think we were doing something on the computer, but anyway, not really relevant. Her 2 year old daughter was playing in the room also, keeping herself occupied while we did whatever it was we were doing. As we finshed up, here comes her sweet little daughter with a condom in hand (unused, of course) and the sweetest smile on her face and she says "candy, please mommy?"

At least we were close enough that she didn't feel too mortified :)

Now, this may seem random and unrelated, but keep reading. Libby loves string cheese. You know, the kind that come in individually wrapped packages. She likes to help me open the package and help pull it into little strings. She also likes to pull everything out of my purse. In fact, it is probably her most favorite activity to do, despite the gazillion toys that have taken over our house. So, I guess it should be no suprise that when she pulls this out out of my purse....

...she says "cheese, mama".

Giveaway

2011-05-11T19:57:00.000-07:00

No, not a giveaway of my own...but another blogger that I follow. I'm telling you all about it, because I can increase my chances of winning her giveaway by doing so. Check it out here. She is giving away a ton of super cute stuff that I would love to have.

I know it's Wednesday, so in honor of WILW, I'm posting about the free stuff that A Momma's Desires is giving away becasue I LOVE it :)

Awkward!

2011-05-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

If this newspaper clip is too small for you to read, please enlarge it and then read. Trust me, it is too funny not to read.

I know, classy, right?!

And speaking of classy...I have to share a conversation between myself and another mom at the mall play area this afternoon. Whenever I see a mom with a little one close to Libby's age, naturally my first question is "how old?". So, that is how our conversation began (her little girl was 2, by the way). We continued with the small talk for a few minutes and her sweet little girl, as shy as could be, stood right beside her momma the whole time, too timid to go play on her own. Libby walks over, very interested in this dark skinned, dark, curly headed little girl. About that time, the mom points out how small Libby's feet are, especially compared to her little girl's size 6 feet. I laughed and suggested maybe that meant her little girl would be tall one day. To this, she replies "Well, her daddy is tall....well, truth be told, I'm not real sure if he is. There are several possibilities for who her real daddy is. I never got it figured out for sure. But, her step-daddy is tall."....awkward silence...I mean, really?! How in the world was I supposed to respond to that. After a few seconds of processing what she had just said, I sheepishly said "oh, really?". Seriously, what was I supposed to say to that? Uh..."I'm sorry" or "Well, ya know, it happens."??? Come on people, stick to the social rules of conversation with a stranger!

Family Date

2011-05-01T20:05:00.000-07:00

After a long, hard week for all 3 of us, we decided to have ourselves a little family date night on Friday. Originally, we were gonna go for cheap fun...dinner in the food court and letting Lib play in the free play area at the mall. Well....on the way to the mall, Eric mentioned sushi and I of course NEVER turn down Japanese food. So, we ate at Hiro's instead, my idea of cheap (for Japanese food, anyway). Look at my talented girl using her chopsticks.

Ok, so maybe I helped her cheat a little bit. She will, however, learn soon enough. I am not exaggerating when I say I could eat Asian food every day of the week. Not nasty buffet style Asian, but yummy, fresh ingredient style Asian. To name a few of my local favorites...Sai Thai, Fuji, Hiro, and Pei Wei. Well, maybe Pei Wei isn't local, but we do have one in my home town so I still call it local.

So, after dinner we drove across the street to the mall. We headed for the play area, but low and behold, look what came around the corner...a TRAIN! That's right, as if the mall didn't have enough venues at which to frivolously spend money on your kids...they had to go and get a train.

But, at $5 for the 3 of us to ride, how could we say no?!

Of course by the end of the ride, I was the one saying "Please, please can we go again?" I love having a little one :) Otherwise, I would have just looked like a crazy person riding a kid's train.

It was a great family date night, even if we didn't get off as cheap as originally planned. But, then again, when does that ever happen anyway?!

What I'm Loving Wednesday

2011-04-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

Happy Wednesday all!

This is a little late, but I'm loving that Spring has sprung! I took these photos a couple of weeks ago, but am just now getting around to sharing them with you all. These are the beautiful colors and blooms popping up around our yard....

I'm loving how pretty my sweet Lib was on Easter Sunday. I'm also loving her little dress which was a steal at only $11.99 at T.J. Maxx!

I'm LOVING that I am now an official member of Sigma Theta Tau, the nursing honor society. See, way back in August when I started the accelerated BSN program, our instructors told us about STT. They encouraged us to join if we recieved an invitation (translated, pay your $90 even if you can't really afford it) because we would not have another chance to be inducted until the last year of a graduate degree program. It was a tremendous honor to be inducted and recognized among the top 1/3 of the BSN students at ASU. Here I am proudly walking off stage with my certificate in hand.

And here are my other accelerated BSN classmates who were also inducted. I LOVE these guys! Many of us have become like family to one another. Something else our instructors told us at the beginning of the program was to cling to one another, because NOBODY other than our classmates would truly understand the stress and demands of this program. And now that we are more than 3/4 of the way finished, I could not agree more with that statement.

So, what are you loving today? Link up here and let us know!

Crazy napper

2011-04-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

As I organized these photos to get them ready to upload to Blogger, I realized how boring a post like this must seem to those without kids. Because, yes, this whole post is about Libby and her naptime. And of course, there is nothing boring about that to me. In fact, it is often my favorite time of day (and I know I'm not the only momma who feels that way).

Many of you have already seen this first pic on Facebook, but I'm sharing again. I saw her on the monitor and had to quietly sneak in to her room to grab a shot.

This one isn't quite as awkward of a position....

But look a little closer....

And one more that I snuck today. Don't worry, I moved the blanket away from her face after I snapped the picture.

I also need to mention something that I'm not exactly amused about when it comes to napping. The fact that we are now transistioning to only 1 nap a day. Libby has been on a 2 naps/day schedule for quite sometime and it is very nice to have about an hour to myself once we get home in the afternoons. Now, the only mystery I have yet to uncover is how to get her to take 1 LONG nap instead of 2 short ones. Because she still only sleeps 1 hour, even when it is only 1 nap a day. This makes for a very cranky girl by around 5 p.m. (3 hours before bedtime) and a very irritated mommy. Any of my fellow mom (or dad)-readers care to share the secret?

What I'm Loving Wednesday

2011-04-06T07:19:00.000-07:00

I am gladly welcoming Wednesday this week! Yesterday was my last day to have to actually attend class for the week (just online lectures now). And this week, I'm loving the few days of beautiful weather that we've been blessed with. I'm loving that we fired up the grill for the first time this year.

Or should I say, I'm loving that Eric fired up the grill [and his arm]. He now has a nice little smooth spot. His grilling skills are a little rusty since last year, I guess. But don't tell him I said that. The Monterrey chicken he made, on the other hand, lacked in nothing. Absolutely delish! Wish I would have taken a pic to show you.

I'm also loving this new seriews, Body of Proof. I'm a sucker for a good medical show. And no, that does not include Grey's Anantomy. The credibilty is just not there.

I'm loving that my bff Kristen is in the hospital, as I type, having her sweet baby boy. She may even be in the OR right now. I haven't got the call yet, so I'm not sure. But I absolutely cannot wait to meet him. He is one loved little guy already. Here's a pic of me and Kristen. Nevermind that I'm the pregnant one in this photo :) It's just one of my fav pics of us at our bff Erika's wedding.

It's going to be a great Wednesday! What are you loving? Link up here and let us know.

Spring is here!

2011-04-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

Libby and I are both so glad that Spring is here. Yesterday was just beautiful, 80 degrees and sunny! A little windy, but still gorgeous. We soaked up as much vitamin D as we could. Here's a few shots that just had to share.

As you can see, Lib still isn't quite over her crud from last week. Aren't you glad you kept reading :-)

What I'm Loving Wednesday

2011-03-30T07:58:00.000-07:00

Wednesday again! And I have lots that I'm loving right now. First, I am loving this (new?) shampoo by L'oreal. I am a sucker for anything mint scented and it leaves my hair smelling simply delish. It is a bit of a splurge for me at about $6.00 (I'm normally much more of a $2.50 a bottle Herbal Essence user), but I can't resist this stuff. I'm also loving my freshly cut and highlighted hair. My BFF, Brittnie, who is also my hair stylist, did it for me over spring break.

Speaking of hair, I'm also loving these adorable curls of Libby's. They are exclusive to the back of her hair and one single curl above her left ear. The rest is straight. She has been ~~cursed~~ blessed with my crazy not straight, not curly, non-cooperating hair. Lucky for her when she gets to be a teenager and she actually cares, we've got my BFF that I mentioned earlier who can work miracles on any kind of hair.

I am NOT loving that Miss Lib has been so sick this past week. Fever for the past 5 days, persistent cough, snotty nose, and diarrhea. But I am LOVING this sweet moment I caught of her when she pulled her blanky out of the dirty clothes basket (that I was about to throw in the wash). She was so sleepy here and sprawled out on the kitchen floor for a quick rest.

Once again, I am not loving the sickness at all, but I am loving all the sweet cuddling that Libby wants during this time. I can barely leave her side. The only solace she can find is being held in my arms. And for those of you who know her, this is a pretty big deal. Normally, she is no cuddler. She has very defined personal boundaries and wants nobody in them. A hug? Don't even think about it. Snuggling? She is much to busy for that. So, needless to say, I am embracing every moment of holding her tight with her head on my chest.

Finally, I am absolutely loving my new I-Phone 4. As a loyal Verzon customer, I have long awaited the I-Phone. Since my upgrade was available, I joined the rest of Apple fans and finally got my I-phone. And I'm believer! I can't say that I will ever go back to a non-Apple phone.

Hope you all have a great Wednesday! Tell me, what are you loving today? Link up here.

What I'm Loving Wednesday

2011-03-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday again and time to reflect on those sweet moments that I'm loving right now. To start, I'm loving being here in middle TN with my family. We spent some great quality time this weekend working on our house remodeling project (see the post right below for details). Here we all are taking a short break. I love how my husband is front and center...very characteristic of him :)

I'm loving all the sweet smiles and babbles coming from my sweet little nephew, Beau. He is almost 9 months old and a little ball of energy. Here he is taking a bath for the first time in the big tub, instead of his little sink tub. His little brave self kept wanting to dunk his face under the water.

I'm loving how much fun Libby is having with my sister and Noah playing Monopoly here. Libby absolutely loves Noah....or, as she calls him "Nona".

And finally, I'm loving this sweet photo of Lib and her friend Brooklyn. They love to tickle each other! Well, Lib doesn't really like being on the recieving end of it, but she loves to do the tickling.

Hope everyone has a great Wednesday! What are you loving this Wednesday?

Spring Break? Not really....

2011-03-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

I came to the realization today that I have taken a spring break every year since I began school....as in since kindgarten way back in 1991. Obviously, I had spring breaks all through college, but even since I graduated, I was fortunate to have a job that I was able to take a spring break and well, now, I'm back in school again. I'm not spring breaking on the beach like a number of my friends (jealous!), but I am spending it with my family here in middle TN. And as the title above insinuates, it isn't really much of a break. Not only do I have a major exam to study for coming up next week, 2 projects that I must finish, but ~~as if my plate isn't full enough~~ we (my sis, cousin, and our husbands) are also remodeling my dad's house with the goal of having a renter in by the first of May.

After Daddy passed away, my grandparent's planned to just sell the house and all the land with it. That probably would have been the easiest ~~and smartest~~ thing to do, but it really pained us to think about parting with the property. Not only did my grandparents raise their children there, but my sister and I also spent a majority of our childhood there. In the early 80's, my dad put his double wide on the land next to the house. That's where we lived when I was born, and then when my grandparents took custody of my sister in I, we lived in the house with them. It was our first true sense of home. Our earliest memories are there. I learned how to tie my shoes there, how to ride a bike there, and how to braid my hair there. My sister and I both busted our chins there and ,consequently, got our first stitches. I learned to read in that house. We lived there until I was in first grade and that is when we moved out to Walter Hill (the house my grandparents live in now). We still spent every weekend with Daddy (yep, in the double wide...don't judge). When I was 14, though, Daddy moved next door into the house where he grew up. It was his safe place. He loved that house and the land. His childhood memories were there. So, he and my step-mom fixed it up to their liking and moved in. They built a fence and barn behind the house and Daddy finally got the horses he had always dreamt of.

We just couldn't give up all of that....

So....we aren't. We are fixing it up which is a huge understatement. I guess it is really more of an overhaul. So far, we've ripped out all carpet, scraped the popcorn texture off the ceiling (I'll never understand that trend), and started priming the walls. Literally, any surface in the house that can be painted, must be painted. We've barely put a dent in the painting, but we're off to a good start. There is still TONS to do, including laying new floors, replacing blinds and the air conditioner, and CLEANING. So, like I said....not much of break for me this week. Here are a few before shots of the house. Stay tuned for the finished product.

Whatever it Takes

2011-03-19T20:25:00.000-07:00

Like most other moms, I strive to offer healthy foods to my child. Having been raised by a generation where meat and potatoes were the norm on any given night of the week, I often find it difficult to be creative with food choices for my 1 year old. It has been particularly challenging after weaning her from the breast since she has refused cow's milk (and soy, almond, vanilla, and strawberry flavored). Thus far, I feel proud with the variety of fat and protein sources that I have incorporated into her diet in lieu of milk. Some staples in Lib's diet include greek yogurt, avocados, hummus, cheese (of course), bananas, oatmeal, cottage cheese, and apple sauce. I can count on one hand the number of times she has ever eaten fast food and she has only ever had ketchup once in her life. I am proud of my efforts to start her life off with healthy eating habits as I know the huge impact it weighs on a person's future health.
BUT.....

On a day like today....on another miserable road trip to middle Tennessee....another trip of nothing but fussing and pulling at the carseat straps....frequently feeling the desire to turn around and just scream "if you don't quit whining, I'll give you something to whine about" (albeit, she would have no idea what that even means)....all bets are off. On these kinds of trips, I will literally do whatever it takes to try and keep Miss Lib happy and quiet, well, anything except actually taking her out of the carseat. When she got bored with the DVD player, bored with the doll, phone, and mirror, and tired of the peanut butter crackers....I brought out the big dog.....

Hey...whatever works :) And, yes, if you're wondering, she needed a bath by the time we made it.

What I'm Loving Wednesday

2011-03-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

To keep myself motivated to update my blog more often, I'm jumping on the bandwagon of "What I'm Loving Wednesday". So, here's the first of many (hopefully)....

I'm loving that only one more day of class and one more day at the hospital stand between me and a whole week in Murfressboro with my family for Spring Break. And I'm very excited to see this little face when I get there...

I'm loving how Libby is just flourishing at her new day care. The day care director said she set the record for best 1st day ever. Didn't cry, napped great, and played her little heart out. Here she is with her classmates....

I'm loving my new Mary Kay Satin Lips set. Makes lips soft and perfectly kissable!

And finally, I'm loving cardiac nursing! I loved my rotation on the cardiac floor and I'm loving learning all about how the whole system works. For someone who has had her eyes and heart set on nurse mid-wifery, this has taken me a little by surprise.

Happy Wednesday! What are you loving today? Link up here and let us know!

Grieving

2011-03-01T18:59:00.000-08:00

I have debated whether or not to even blog about the recent passing of my father. Most of anyone who knows me or my family already knows about it. But I know many are wondering what happened...and I wish I could answer that. We don't know. It was all too sudden and very unexpected. The autopsy was inconclusive, so we must wait up to possibly 14 weeks to get the full report back. That part is torturous. He was young, only 53. And at 25, I certainly never expected to be planning Daddy's funeral. I'm hurting. My family is hurting. Although Daddy wasn't "sick", so to speak, he had a number of health problems. And while there is a huge empty spot in our lives now, we are all at least somewhat comforted in the fact that he is finally able to rest.

Like many people do, I have gone through so many "what if" scenarious and "I wish I would have ______". I try not to dwell on those thoughts, but often it is hard not to. I hate the fact that everything is permanent now. Nothing can be changed. Most of all though, I hate to see my grandparents have to grieve the loss of their son. Having a child of my own has completely put a new perspective on death. I know the hurt and emptyness that I feel having lost my Daddy. But I cannot and never want to know the pain and agony of losing a child, even if they are grown.

Unfortunately, even though last week felt like my world was put on pause, the rest of the world kept on going...and so did nursing school. Just a day after Daddy's funeral, we had to make the long trip back to Arkansas because I couldn't miss clinical. It feels so unnatural to be away from my family right and to just resume life as it was. But I guess that's just thing...it's life. I finished out my semester today and start a new one tommorrow. In 3 weeks, I'll get to be with my family again for spring break. So needless to say, I'm counting the days.

I've said it before, but really, thank you to everyone for your sweet words via Facebook, cards in the mail, and texts that you've sent. I am beyond blessed to have so many people in my life that care about me. This has by far been the hardest week of my life and it has meant so much to know how many people were thinking of and praying for us. So again, thank you!

Patient Care

2011-02-06T19:12:00.000-08:00

Can it be? Two posts within the same month? This may be a first since I started nursing school :) In fact, this post has all to do with nursing school. I wanted to blog about this sooner, but I'm just now finding time to collect my thoughts and put them into words. I will be as discrete as possible to protect patient information and carefully see that I do not violate any HIPPA regulations. My first clinical experience of the semester was too meaningful, though, to not share.
My clinical day is Friday each week and I have to go the night before to get my patient assignment. We can get there no sooner than 4 p.m. on Thursday since other nursing students leave about that time. So, at 4:15 p.m. on the dot, I was at the nurse's station ready to get my information so I could get home and start working on my care plan asap. Technical difficulties wasted an hour of my time as I tried to log into the new computer system and then another half-hour of my time was wasted as I waited for a free computer. When I finally logged on, the patient assigned to me had been discharged. Great. So, I call my instructor and from the best of his memory of the patients on the floor, he assigns me a different room number. After gathering all of the info, I was exhausted and ready to go home. I just needed to stop by and introduce myself to my patient first. To my disappointment, my patient could not communicate with me. Her dementia was so advanced that she didn't even aknowledge my presence in the room. Nevertheless, I spoke with her just as if I would to any other comprehending adult.

I left feeling frustrated at how long I had just spent at the hospital, overwhelmed at the gazillion meds I had to look up, and pretty pessimistic about the day ahead. I thought to myself how awful it would be trying to care for a patient with whom I can't even have a discussion. I just knew I was going to have the worst experience. Fortunately, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Several of my classmates and I complain a lot about how we are ready to be nurses instead of nursing students. This day, I was so glad to be a nursing student because it allowed me the one-on-one time with my patient that nurses just don't have (which is a worth a whole blog entry by itself, so I won't get started). As I provided care for my patient, I often made comparisons to how I took care of Libby when she was about 6 months old. From "diaper" changes to spoon feeding her applesauce, the methods were all to familiar. To some people, I know that sounds like the worst job ever. But there was something so rewarding about it. I thought constantly of how I would want to be cared for if that were me or a loved one in that hospital bed.

At one point, my patient became very restless and almost combative (making it real fun to try to get a manual blood pressure reading). She pulled at her clothing, batted my hands away, and muttered meaningless words. Her blood pressure was sky high. One pill and 30 minutes later, her BP was much lower and she was a totally different patient. That, too, was very rewarding. And once more, she tugged at my heartstrings. How frightening it must be to have a malfunctioning brain in a strange place, with strange people, beeping machines, and not even be able to get out the words needed to express that something just doesn't feel right.

I am so grateful that she was my first clinical experience of the semester. At the end of the day, I reflected on a quote that was mentioned once in my Intro to Nursing class. Virginia Henderson's classic definition of nursing: "I say that the nurse does for others what they would do for themselves if they had the strength, the will, and the knowledge." This quote really impacted me and I hope that my perspective of patient care will always center around this philosophy.

Vegetarian?...Maybe...

2011-02-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have been contemplating the idea of going vegetarian again. Yes...again. I was a vegetarian for nearly 3 years. I gave up eating meat when I was 17, after watching a quite gruesome and disturbing video on slaughter houses in a nutrition class in high school. It started as a "I wonder if I could really give up meat" and ended up being simply a way of life. It required a number of adjustments and a lot of explaining to others, especially my family who are definitely meat lovers. But all in all, it was a great health decision and I lost about 10 lbs my senior year. Not just from giving up meat, but choosing healthier, more natural foods to put into my body.

When Eric and I got married, however, it was a little complicated cooking dinner trying for the both of us since he was/is not a vegetarian (very much the opposite, actually). So, I compromised and started eating chicken and turkey again. That has been the case until the past year and I have slowly re-introduced the occasional pork chop or ground beef back into my diet. *Occasional* is even a slight overestimate because it's quite rare. And even those seldom times that I do eat pork or beef, something just feels wrong about it.

Oprah (yes, I watch Oprah, get over it!) had guest star Kathy Freston (The Veganist) on her show today and I am feeling even more inspired to go back vegetarian. I think it would be much easier today than it was 7 years ago because there are so many more options available. I haven't committed yet, but I am definitely considering it seriously. And if nothing else, I certainly want to strive toward more natural, healthy, wholesome foods for me and my family. I want Libby to never know anything other than healthy eating habits. I want to be proactive in my and my family's health and that starts with diet. And...less beef means fewer mistreated, hormone injected, dead cows to lay on my guilty conscious.

In just 2 weeks...

2011-01-08T19:55:00.000-08:00

In just the past 2 weeks, it seems that I have an entirely different little girl. And I use the term little girl very intentionally. She really is no longer a baby. I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with that, but she is quick to remind me. Let me just tell you how much growing up that has occured, literally, within the past 2 weeks...At 14 months old...
- Libby can walk...very well and pretty fearlessly now. She falls down quite a bit, but the balance that she has acquired in such a short amount of time is pretty amazing.
- This may seem out of order, and that is because it occured out of order....but she can crawl now. Although, she must want something or someone (mommy) a great deal to resort to crawling. But hey, how many princesses do you know that crawl around on all 4's after all? :)
- She can say so many words now. Including: mama, dada, nanny, papa, baby, puppy, kitty, Beau, no-no, Noah (which sounds alot like no-no), yes, juice, shoes, Abi, moo, baa, quack-quack, bye-bye, hi, and some of the more impressive ones that we've heard include zipper and cock-a-doodle-doo (I swear and I even have witnesses). And these are just to name a few.
- She can blow her nose. That's right and fellow mommies know how wonderful that is because we no longer have to hold her down to use the bulb syringe to suck out the snot. PTL!
- She can sip through a straw. I was impressed with this.
- She takes a bath in the regular bath-tub now. Much to my disappointment and at the expense of my back, she has finally outgrown the whale tub that fits so nicely into the sink. Maybe I carried this one out a bit long, but I was in no hurry to strain my back every evening at 7:30.
- We use conditioner in her hair now. It's so frizzy and curly in the back that baby shampoo alone just isn't cutting it anymore. I'm giving up on a nice hair-do for now. My main goal is to just manage it. With hair that continues to grow and thicken on top while the sides remain nearly bald, the poor girl often looks like she's wearing a toupe'. Needless to say, I'm ready for it to grow long so we can actually do something with it.
- And lastly, she moved up to a size 4 diaper.

As bittersweet as it is to say good-bye to infancy and watch her grow into this precious little girl, I look forward to each and every "next stage". And even though we haven't decided a time table for sure yet, I also look forward to going through infancy again with our next one. It's amazing how even though I remember, it also seems like I have forgotten the discomfort, aches, and pain of pregnancy, labor, and delivery and the sleepless nights during those early weeks of infancy. I suppose it aligns well with theory of ensuring that our genes continue on. If we truly remembered, maybe we would never do it over again.

Epidemic?

2010-12-29T20:27:00.000-08:00

Just a few weeks ago, I finished a Community Health course. Toward the end of the class, we touched briefly on the subject of epidemiology. What does that have to do with anything, you ask? Well, after a week of a merciless stomach bug, it seems that our house could be the center of an epidemiologic study. It all began with my sweet Libby. She threw up all night last Wednesday and then was over it by morning with just some diarrhea to boot. I tried to blame it on having whole milk for the first time (perhaps my last subconscious attempt to prolong her infancy just a bit more and continue nursing), but it was merely a coincidence. So, from one little bitty person, 13 more people (as of today). And by tomorrow, I'm sure we will be adding a few more numbers. The timing couldn't have been worse. We had so many family members at the house this weekend and EVERY single one of them has been affected. Including my aunt, who left work yesterday feeling a little nauseated, went into Kroger and yakked all in their floor. So naturally, my epidemiology curiousity kicks in and I really wish I could know how many unsuspecting bystanders will have unfortunatley left Kroger with more than just their groceries.

As if the stomach bug wasn't bad enough, Lib also now has her first ear infection. Perhaps this is too muich information (then the above probably was too), but would you like to know how I discovered that an ear infection was to blame for her crankiness and extreme clinginess? An odor. A very rancid odor. Coming from both her ears. Bizarre, I know. I have never heard of that being a sign of ear infection, but sure enough. We doped her up on some Amoxicillin and Tylenol to help. So, after finally having rid her of the diarrhea from the stomach bug, she now has it again from the antibiotic. Are you kidding me?!

And now let's just add insult to injury...or perhaps vice versa. Last night, we were playing in the floor. We do this thing where she lays on my stomach, I wrap my arms tightly around her, and we roll from side to side. She LOVES it! Belly laughs the entire time. But not last night. Her tiny foot found itself in just the right position...and crunch. Nearly all of my weight rolled right on it as it twisted in a way I won't even let myself imagine. She yelped and my heart crumbled. I thought for sure I had broken that precious little foot. Luckily, it is not broken. No, we don't have an x-ray machine here (though I was very close to taking her to the ER just to check), but after a good night's sleep she woke up and it isn't even swollen. It IS very sore, however. I can tell by the way she walks on it. And for most of the day, she either wanted to hold my hand while walking or to be carried. This pretty much sums up the past week....

So here's hoping for a much better, sickness and injury free remainder of our time here with my family. And a Happy New Year!

Still Holding On

2010-12-11T20:31:00.000-08:00

At 13 months old, Libby has demonstrated to us that she CAN both walk and crawl. And she did so in that order. For whatever reason, however, be it fear or dare I say laziness, she just refuses to do either. I thought that once she figured out her capacity to be mobile on her own, she would never slow down. Quite the opposite. I never slow down! She has the drive, now more than ever, to go places and do her own thing. But she insists that I hold her hand every step of the way, literally. She wants to walk all of the time, just as long as her little fingers are wrapped tightly around mine. I keep reminding myself to enjoy these moments because I know one day I will wish for those little fingers to embrace mine again. BUT, it is incredibly frustrating! I just cannot figure out why she refuses to walk. I am even considering getting her a cat for Christmas since apparently when an animal is involved, she loses all inhibition and practically takes of running. Unfortunatley, my husband is a little Scroogey and hates cats. So, what's a mom to do? What if she never wants to walk on her own? Will she still be holding my finger as she goes to Kindergarten? Her first dance? Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating, but really....I just want her start exploring her world a little more independently. She will be so much more content when she does. For now, though, she just keeps holding on.

Soup anyone?

2010-11-30T17:23:00.000-08:00

Since I've had a number of people request this recipe, I decided to share it with all of you. It's too good not to share anyway. This is a soup that my grandmother makes and it is simply mouth-watering delicious and perfect for a cold, dreary day (like today). The key with this soup (and the most antagonizing part of it) is to wait until the next day to eat it. It truly does make a difference though.

Kale and Kielbasa Soup

1lb kielbasa, sliced into rounds
3tbsp olive oil
2 medium, yellow onions, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
2tsp minced garlic
2 cups of kale, thinly sliced into ribbons
3 cups of cabbage, thinly sliced into ribbons
1 tsp kosher salt
2 cans cannelloni beans
7 cups chicken broth

In a big pot, saute kielbasa 5 minutes. Remove kielbasa and set aside.

Add olive oil and saute onions and carrots 5 minutes. Add gard and saute 1 minute. Add kale and cabbage, turn to low heat, cover, and let steam for 5 minutes. Add salt, then stir to combine.

Add beans, broth, and kielbasa. Bring to boil, then turn heat to low and simmer.

Enjoy!

The Door

2010-11-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

After 3 years of living in our house, we finally have a screen door! Well, we've actually always had the screen door, only it has been in the garage and not on the front door where it belongs. As much as I love the natural wood and sandblasted glass on the main door, I wanted the added security of a screen door. So, this weekend, Eric and his brother put it back on. I didn't really care about the look of it, but that was an added bonus because, as it turns out, it looks B-U-tiful! The black wrought iron really adds to the look of our 1920's home. I also love the natural light that beams in now that I can open the main door. Another bonus...Libby loves to stand in front of it and look out at the leaves and the cars passing by.

Already?

2010-10-20T19:53:00.000-07:00

The days are long, the years are short. Someone said this to me last week and it has resonated in my mind ever since. As Libby's 1st birthday is quickly approaching, I have so many mixed emotions. A year? Has it really been a year? My sweet little baby is growing into a sweet little girl so quickly. And why is it so hard to remember those early months? The first 2 or 3 months seeem like such a fog. If it weren't for photos, I might be easily convinced that it truly was a dream. I do remember the extreme tiredness from waking every 3 hours or so during the night to change the diaper and nurse. And I remember dreading night time as I anticipated repeating the same routine over again. And I remember dreading the morning as I would wake and crave nothing more than just a few more hours of sleep. And feeling like that phase would continue on forever. But it didn't. And here am I am reflecting on the year gone by.....the days are long, the years are short.

So here's a little about Libby's been up to lately:
- she has 3 and 1/2 bottom teeth (that we now brush with a toothbrush from her Nana)
- she can say Mama, Dada, baby, and Beau (she said it several times one day but none since then)
- she walks everywhere as long as she is holding on to something (hands, coffee table, playpen)
- she pretty much eats anything, her favorites inlcude bread, cooked carrots and potatoes, and spaghetti
   noodles.
- she loves books, her favorites are Olivia, Good Night Moon, and What's Wrong Little Pookie?
- she loves PBS :) especially Curious George, Barney, and Dinosaur Train
- she is skilled with her toes! If she can't reach something with her hands, she will get it with her feet!

So as she continues to grow and turn into the beautiful person I know she will be, I hope that I never take any of the "long days" for granted. Because those long days turn into another year past all too quickly.

Good thoughts

2010-09-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

Tell me why I am blogging when I have tests tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday? And, I will have extra work this week since I will miss a few hours of my clinical on Tuesday. Speaking of which...

We have an appointment again with Dr. Boop on Tuesday. No brain scans this time, he will just be evaluating Libby's head measurements and her developmental progress. I haven't measured her head but her development is fine. I'm a little nervous that he is going to be worried about her not crawling or walking yet, although she's not really behind yet. She CAN pull up on things and take steps while holding on. She just won't stay on her tummy long enough to even attempt getting up on all fours. In fact, she just rolls her way to whatever it is she wants. Anyway, if you think about it, prayers and good thoughts are appreciated. We are praying for a good report, that her head measurements have continued to follow a normal growth pattern and that (the dr agrees with us) her development is on task.

And since I've been studying this evening for my diabetes test, here's your health tip for the day :) Eat healthy and exercise! Ok, I know that's pretty generic and a no brainer, but seriously, you do NOT want to end up with type 2 diabetes later in life. We seem to blow off diabetes and think its not that big of a deal, but it sooo is a big deal. All kinds of complications come from having diabetes and being overweight is the biggest risk factor (esp if you have relative with it). So go eat your veggies and go take walk. Your welcome!

A long trip

2010-09-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

Wwwhhheeeewwww!!!! All I can do after a an exhaustive week of studying, tests, and semi-care planning. But a nice, long, hard earned weekend is here and I finally have a moment to breathe. And blog :)

Let me preface by saying that I don't think I've ever uttered a sentence with Libby's name and the word worst together. But, after today, after a miserable 7 hour trip to middle Tennessee that should really only take 5 hours, I honestly feel like Libby may be the worst traveller I know. Not much else can wear on a person's nerves quite the way that a crying baby can. Especially in the confined space of a vehicle. Pair that with the daunting thought of how many miles still lay ahead and you've got the perfect formula for pushing mommy onto the verge of sheer meltdown. I really thought we may not make it today because we kept having to stop so often. Ugh, even now my sanity still feels a little shaky. Needless to say, I'm glad to be home.

So, if anyone has any suggestions or helpful tips for making long trips easier for a 10 month old, please don't hold back. I should mention what I tried (about everything). DVD was playing, she had about every toy imaginable within reach, I kept the snacks coming, and several times resorted to giving her my cell phone. AND, I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but she was even forward facing (I made the exception for this long trip....don't judge me) All of these distractions would last maybe 2-3 minutes max. And I assure you, there is no exaggeration here. Aside from 2 small 30 minute naps she took on the way, she spent the ENTIRE time whining and crying to get out of the car seat.

Still here

2010-08-09T20:04:00.000-07:00

This post won't be long because I'm very tired and highly value my sleep nowadays. I just wanted to let all of you who read my blog know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth :) Nursing school has begun and my life as I knew it has come to a halt. It's back to studying and reading and practicing skills...all the time...literally. It's great though, really. I am in my niche! And even though we are speeding through, I love it. Fast is good, it keeps me motivated. And for you nay-sayers who doubt the credibility of becoming an RN in only a year, don't you worry. It willl happen! And me and my classmates will be some of the most competent and prepared nurses ready to enter the workforce. And if you knew my classmates (and professors), you could easily see why. Extremely intelligent and driven people. Just being around them makes feel smarter.

On the flip note, my new car that I have had for just barely 3 weeks was hit this weekend. Technically by my grandma's car but she wasn't driving it. About 9:30 on Saturday night, we were sitting in the living room and hear a loud noise. We assumed it was the washing machine. Unfortunately, it was actually the sound of someone crashing into the rear end of my grandma's car which pushed it over into my car. Then, they just left, which is the most enraging part of it all. Yes, I'm upset that my car was damaged, but that can be fixed. I'm most upset that we get stuck with the bill for someone's else's stupidity, carelessness, and lack of morals. What is wrong with some people?!?!

All the poo!

2010-07-15T19:41:00.000-07:00

Perhaps more than ever, it has hit me this week that I am a MOM. Not in emotional sense or the attachment/bonding sense but in the reality is here, things are forever different kind of way. Two incidences in particular contributed to this. In case you don't know my sister and I well, we LOVE to shop. That's what we do...or rather, used to do. It has always been our favorite pastime, our favorite bonding time, our favorite way to simply spend quality time together. That changed a little after she had Noah. We used to just drag him with us until hit the age of about 2 and it simply wasn't worth it. In fact, we both agree that we forever scarred the kid with shopping because now, if you even mention going into a store, ANY store, he nearly has a meltdown.

Well, earlier this week, we decided to brave a trip to town with both Beau (3 weeks old) and Libby (8 mos). They had both napped, nursed, and were ready to go. We had only 2 places on our list...Toodles and Target. On our way to Toodles, I hear Libby in the back seat grunting and straining. No guessing what she was doing! So we get to Toodles, I get what I need and ask if they have a bathroom with a changing station. Of course they don't, but the lady graciously offered the couch in the back of the store. It is a white couch. Because why wouldn't you have a white couch in a kids store. I laid down her changing pad, then her, then discovered that the poop has leaked every where. Great! I'm changing an explosive poo diaper that is all up her back and coming out the sides on a white couch. All I can say is that I am glad my sister was there to help me because this was definitley a 2 person job. And we escaped without getting any of it on the nice white couch. By this time, Cara and I both realize that it is lunch time and our stomachs are reminding us of this. So, we run to Pei Wei and meet up with a friend. As we finished up lunch, it started pouring rain. Libby is already starting to fuss because she's tired. Beau is starting to squirm because he is starting to get hungry. Needless to say, we didn't make it to Target.

Today, we attempted another trip of shopping. Again, both babies had napped, nursed, and we were ready to go. Even better, Libby pooped before we left this time so she was changed, fresh, and clean! We dropped Noah off at his grandma's house and we were on our. Only 3 places to go today. I was driving and within 10 minutes, Cara climbed into the backseat because both Beau and Libby were not too happy to be in their carseats. Augh....if you aren't a parent, especially a mom, you have no idea what persistent fussing will do to your nerves. Then to top it off, I look down and discover that their is poop on my sundress.

At least we made it to all the places we needed to go today.

What a new and fun, albeit messy, season of life. It may not exaclty be glamourous, but despite the explosive poops and the fact the I often smell like spit up, I am loving every minute of it. Especially the sweet, sweet moments like the one below. I took this in Wal-Mart, Libby was very ready for a nap so she rested her little head on her doll. Oh, this child! She has my heart.

Puppy Love

2010-07-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

I discovered this past week that Libby really loves dogs. My sister Cara has 2 dogs, Rassle and Rufus. Libby wanted more than anything to just get her hands (and her mouth, if I would have let her) on their snout. Of course, her hands didn't stay long because they both would then start licking her like crazy. Her excitement was so evident, both of her little hands would shake and her chin could have touched the floor. Then, today, on our way back to Jonesboro, we stopped for a swim in Dyersburg at my aunt and uncle's house. They have lab named Lovie and the name suits her well. Libby was the same way with Lovie as she was with Rassle and Rufus. Couldn't get enough. My Aunt Barbara caught a sweet moment between the 2 of them...

To Eric's dissapointment, however, this does not by any means make me want to change my mind about getting a dog. I have a Libby, and that is quite enough for me.

Beau Benton

2010-07-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

In just a few more hours, my sweet little nephew Beau will be exactly one week old so in honor of him, I thought I would tell you a little about him. He arrived just a few days before his "due date". My sister Cara intended to do a medicine free labor and delivery (no epidural, no pitocin, etc.) Some of you probably say CRAZY! But I say smart and admirable. And I wish I could have had that option :/ Anyway, not about me right now. She actually went into labor at a full day and half before she had him. She called me the night before, at about 10 o'clock to tell me we had better pack and head to TN that morning. By the time we made it to the hospital, she was at 5cm. That was around 3 o'clock or so.

By the way her contractions were coming, it seemed like she should have been much further along than that. She did so great breathing through them and her midwife had a very calming presence and offered lots of strategies to get through each contraction. It was hard watching her suffer through the pain but exciting to see her on the edge of bringing new life into this world. By about 8 o'clock, needless to say she was exhausted. She had been in labor over 24 hours and had no sleep at all. The midwife finally checked her again, and to very disappointed ears, she was still only at 5cm. For whatever reason, she wasn't progressing. So, at about 10 o'clock, she finally conceded to have the epidural, simply to get some much needed rest.

At midnight, she STILL had not moved past 5 cm and the midwife insisted that they start her on a pitocin drip to try to get her progressing. By this point, I already left the hospital. Libby and I hung out until about 11 pm and she just couldn't take it anymore, she needed a real bed to sleep in, not a stroller. Well, barely an hour after starting the pitocin, Beau Benton made his debut to the world. I was sad that I didn't get to witness it, but rejoice for a beatiful, healthy new nephew. He was a whopping 8lbs 11oz and 21 1/4inches long. He has a head full of dark hair and looks so much like his mother. What a beautiful person to look like! He has the longest arms and biggest hands I have ever seen on a baby. I think he came prepared to start defending himself from his big brother :)

I've been able to spend alot of time with him over the past week. He certainly will not let you overlook his needs! He has a very high pitched cry, shrill as Cara calls it. He can contort his face into all kinds of shapes and lines. He has a little spot in the middle of his brows that turns bright red from where he squeezes it together so hard. The tops of his ears fold over slightly. The tip of his nose is like Chris's and the nostrils are all Cara. His high level of activity during Cara's pregnancy certainly has not slowed down a bit. This kid will stay awake for about 2 hours at a time. In case you don't know, that is a VERY long time for a less than a week old baby. At that age, Libby did well to stay awake 20 minutes!

Mr. Beau Benton has a big name to live up to (Benton, after our Papa). I know he will though. He is surrounded by people that already love him more than is imaginable. He has two of the greatest parents that anyone could ask for and of course the BEST aunt in the world! While I was pregnant with Libby, and Cara with Beau, I used to worry about how things would be with two new babies in the picture. For 6 years, all of our love and attention was on Noah. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to divide my love for them fairly. But, now that they are all 3 in my life, I have realized that my love hasn't been divided. It has mulitiplied.

The details

2010-06-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

As you know, Libby's appointment with the neurosurgeon was this morning. The nurses measured her head (again, it has grown, we're talking millimeters but still, it has grown even since just a few weeks ago).He looked over her ultrasound and MRI results and felt of her soft spot. Based on the MRI, he did in fact diagnose her with aqueductal stenosis. To help you understand, the 2 ventricles that are enlarged are the 3rd and 4th ones. They are connected by the aqueduct of Sylvius, which allows fluid to pass from the 3rd to the 4th ventricle. Well, for whatever reason, Libby's aqueduct of Sylvius isn't functioning right, its obstructed somehow. So, too much fluid is being retained causing excess pressure in her brain. That is why her soft spot is so full. It is not severe, but the problem is still there.

As of right now, he feels comfortable to watch and wait. Since she is doing well, showing no other symptoms, we agree with him.We will see him again in a month, on July 20. He will do a CT scan on that date to see if the ventricles have enlarged anymore since the MRI. If so, then he wants to do surgery.

He told us that we are looking at surgery, it is only a matter of when. It could be in a few month or even a few years. If her body seems to compensate and deal with the extra fluid (that's what the CT scan will show us), then we can continue to watch and wait. Apparently, this doesn't just show up in babies. He's had as old as 15 end up needing the surgery.

The older she gets, the better. There are 2 options for surgery. She can either have a shunt implanted which will drain the fluid into her abdominal cavity or have what is called endscopic ventriculostomy. The second seems much more appealing to me. However, in children under the age of 1, it has about a 50% failure rate. So, if we can at least get close to or past the age of 1, this can be our option. Simply put, they would perforate the floor of her 3rd ventricle to allow the fluid to drain out properly. I like this idea better because it has about a 75% success rate whereas I have read that about 50% of the time, shunts malfunction within years and you end up having to repeat the procedure. Unfortunately, both are surgical procedures that involve drilling a hole through the skull.

I am more at peace about this than I thought I would be. It maybe due to the fact that I have had so much time to chew on it and research it. Plus, Dr. Boop is world renowned. Best of the best. And our God is even better than that. I'm trusting in that and simply being patient as we wait and watch.

On a fun note....Libby has a new trick ;) She loves to wave at people...and its not just a motion anymore. She really gets it. She imitates it back to you and initiates it herself when she sees someone new. Isn't she brilliant!?!

Accepted

2010-06-12T16:40:00.000-07:00

I have been reluctant to announce on here about my recent acceptance into the accelerated 2nd degree nursing program. I think I have a subconscious fear that I might jinx myself since I can't believe that I'll actually finally get to do the program. The plan (before I got pregnant with Libby) was to start last fall. So, I decided to put it off a year. Then after having her, I changed my mind about applying because I quickly realized the demands of an infant would be insane paired with the intensity of the program. Well, Mama offered to help me take care of Libby if I was accepted. She will travel back and forth from home to here to stay with us 2-3 weeks of the month during this next year. (Yes, in case you ever doubted, Mama is by far the most amazing person you will ever meet!)

So...brag time for a second...87 applied for the program. I was 1 of 24 accepted! Pretty cool. And in just over a years time, I will have a B.S. in nursing and become and RN. I won't be able to work, needless to say and there will be time for little else. Which is why I am so grateful that I have such an amazing supportive family. I start July 28....that is if I can get through this chemistry class, gah, it is ridiculous trying to learn organic and biochemistry online.

Well, on Tuesday we take Libby back to Memphis to have a consultation with the neurosurgeon. I am ready but I am not at the same time. I'm ready because the wait seems like it has been forever but I'm also scared he will tell us something we don't want to hear. Although, no signs point to a problem (other than the enlarged ventricles on the MRI and the fact that her soft spot is on the full side). She is developmentally on task and doesn't show any of the signs common to babies with hydrocephalus. Her pediatrician is optimistic with those things. Regardless, we are still asking for your continued prayers. I'll be sure to update once we hear what the doctor says on Tuesday.

Teething

2010-05-27T14:07:00.001-07:00

It is official, Libby has begun teething. After a week of whimpering and simply not acting like herself, I took her to the doctor yesterday (I know, call me paranoid but whatever). I wanted to make sure it was nothing like possibly an ear infection or ,of course, in any way related to the whole head ordeal. Thankfully, she's as healthy as a ham but her little gums are ripe for teeth. Stopped at the pharmacy and picked up some teething tablets and also ordered her an amber teething necklace. My friend introduced me to this so I looked it up online. Its not a necklace for her to chew on, simply wear. The warmth from her skin is supposed to release oils into her skin. Apparently, the oil in amber is a natural analgesic so when absorbed, it helps reduce pain associated with teething. Its been used for teething for hundreds of years in Europe. So, we will see how well it works. On some of the reviews, moms said they never even knew their baby had started to teethe. I figure its worth a shot. I'm all for natural remedies if they work.

Back to Memphis....

2010-05-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

Since I last posted, I received two calls. One from Libby's pediatrician Friday and one today from his nurse. Again, I wish I had more tell but we are still playing the waiting game. Her pediatrician called Friday to let me know he received the results on Thursday and sent them to a neurosurgeon to look over. After hearing nothing back from him by Friday afternoon, he simply called to let me know he was waiting. The MRI showed only what the ultrasound showed, which was 2 enlarged ventricles. He wants a neurosurgeon's opinion on whether anything needs to be done, i.e. a shunt being place in her brain to drain the CS fluid (if indeed that is the problem). The MRI alone does not show for sure if that is what is going on.

The nurse called today to again let me know that they had heard nothing back from the neurosurgeon, apparently neurosurgeons are pretty busy people. So, she scheduled us an appointment with him for June 15. So we will go once again to Memphis then to talk with this man about the results of the ultrasound and MRI.

The good thing is that there doesn't seem to be an urgency with this. Her doctor was not alarmed by the enlarged ventricles, just cautious. The nurse reassured me that if there were another problem (blockage/obstruction) then the MRI would have showed it. The doctor even mentioned on the phone that he's curious if it may simply be the brain's way of compensating for its larger size. All of these things give me reassurance. And the fact that prayer has not ceased since we found out about all of this. If I could just keep myself from researching, then I will be doing good :/

On another note, Libby has become a little rolley poley. Just yesterday, its like the switch for rolling was flipped on because she was doing it all day. And now, for the past two nights, she has rolled over onto her tummy to sleep (and seems to really prefer it). In fact, she slept better last night than she has in about 3 months. She slept from 9 until 4 a.m. Of course I didn't, since upon realizing she was on her tummy, I could do nothing but worry that she might stop breathing (I've read way too much on SIDS). Maybe tonight will be easier.....

Waiting

2010-05-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

We are still waiting to hear the results from Libby's MRI. That was Tuesday, this is Friday. As any anxious parent would be, I am more than frustrated at how long this seems to be taking. Especially considering that really, we have been waiting since last Wednesday to find out if there is problem. Argh...

I posted a few pics on Facebook from the visit to Le Bonheur. As you can see from those, Libby was a little trooper. The hardest part was when they inserted the IV. I have never known such heartache. Every ounce of me wanted to tell the nurses to stop and just leave. Especially when their first attempt to insert the IV in her hand failed. Then they tried again in her foot. It took what seemed like forever to me as Eric and I both had to "hold her down". Her cries overwhelmed me. I never want to go through that again.

The actual MRI process was not bad at all. It was not nearly as hard for me watching them put her to sleep as I anticipated. It was so incredibly fast. Barely ten seconds after injecting the anesthesia into the IV, she was out. It was the most precious thing watching her wake up in the recovery room afterward. For about fifteen minutes, it was just Libby and I (well, and the nurse). She was pretty out of it, but every few minutes she would stir a bit and babble. It was the closest thing to being drunk that I ever hope to see her, haha! Her babbles were slurred and her movements were sloppy. But once she woke up completely after about half an hour, she was great. She wasn't even groggy. We enjoyed lunch in the cafeteria with my aunt and uncle and Libby was just as alert and observing as she always is.

I cannot tell you how appreciative we are of all the prayers and support from everyone. I know there are sooo many people praying for this child, even people we have never met. I know that God has his hand on my Libby and I have an inner peace that tell me everything is ok. So again, thank you, thank you, thank you for covering our baby in prayer. I promise I will update as soon as we hear something.

Prayers, please

2010-05-06T14:23:00.000-07:00

You may remember from a few posts back that Libby's head measures slightly large and has from pretty much day one. Well, yesterday at her 6 month check-up, her head has now surpassed the 95th percentile. So, her doctor ordered an ultrasound on her head. I really was not at all worried about it, I mean really, both Eric and I have large heads...it runs in the family.

Well, the ultrasound today showed that she has 2 slightly enlarged ventricles in her brain. Now, this could mean nothing at all but, to make sure that all of the cerebrospinal fluid is draining properly and not accumulating, which would cause increased pressure within the brain, Libby will have to have an MRI next Tuesday in Memphis. I wish I felt as confident today as I did yesterday that everything is fine, but, of course the first thing I did when I got home was research it. That never leaves you feeling reassured.

Please pray for Libby. I am hopeful and prayerful that everything will be normal, but I am extremely nervous about the fact that they will have to put my fragile little girl under anesthesia. They have to do this because it would be impossible to keep an infant completely still during the MRI. So, again, please pray. Pray for her safety during this whole procedure, pray that everything will be normal on the MRI, pray that the anesthesiologists are very careful and precise. And please pray for my peace of mind while we wait.

Little hands

2010-04-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

At times, I wish I had camera continuously going to capture every moment with Libby at this age. A few nights ago, as I rocked her to sleep, she rested her little hand right on my chest. This was one of those moments. So many thought flew through my mind. How I will miss this when its over. How I will one day miss rocking her to sleep. How in the blink of an eye, she will be all grown up and she will no longer need me the way she does now. That sweet little hand clinging to me as if to say, "keep holding me tight, mommy". The emotion was strong, and of course the tears came.

Another moment like this was yesterday morning. Since Libby has been sick this week, she has ended up in the bed with me at some point during the night (dad has been sweet and stuck it out on the couch). Libby woke up early, somewhere around 6:30, when the sun is just starting to peek out. The morning was really blue for some reason and as the light came through the window, Libby just stared at me with such an angelic face. Her eyes glowed in the bluish light and her face simply looked flawless. She rolled toward me and put both of her little hands on my face. Ah, my heart overflows. If this child only knew just how much I love her! There really just aren't enough words to truly describe it.

No foolin' me

2010-04-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

I love how even at the tender age of 5 months, Libby's personality is just bursting forth. She is (and has been pretty much since day 1) very particular about how she likes things. The newest area that this has manifested is with food. I have already blogged (I think) about how she does not like cereal. She literally gags when I try to give it to her. I have tried both rice and oatmeal cereals to no avail. Being the nutrition conscientious mommy that I am, I have not completely given up on it because I know it has lots of good iron and zinc in it. So, this morning I decided to try and mask the cereal with some sweet potatoes since Libby loves sweet potatoes. Well, as you can tell by the picture above, Libby will not be fooled :)

Catching up

2010-03-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

Lots to catch up on since the last post...where to begin? Well, I suppose I will start with spring break. Even though I'm not in school anymore and I don't technically have a spring break, I took one anyway. I used a little of my PTO and spent the week with my family in Murfreesboro. As always, the week went way too fast and it was very difficult to leave once again for Arkansas. But the week was well spent. Libby and I spent every day with Mama, Papa, Cara, and Noah. Cara and I really broke Libby into shopping. The first day of shopping was rough. Not the shopping so much, but lunch at Red Lobster with Kristen, Brittnie, and the babies. It was during Libby's nap time and Libby was "that" baby. You know, the one that you are thinking why doesn't that mom just leave and take that kid home or at least somewhere else. But, let me tell you something, it is not that easy! When you have already ordered your food, you can't just leave without paying. And if I'm gonna pay for the food, I at least want to take it home. So, that still involves a wait...a painstaking wait. But, I eventually got her to sleep and the rest of the lunch went just fine.

That was really the only rough day we had. She was just perfect the rest of the shopping trips during the week. And, I have pretty much become a pro at breastfeeding in public. I used my "udder cover" more last week than I have since Libby was born. I don't know why really, but breastfeeding in public for some reason, typically, causes a lot of anxiety for me. Even though I'm covered, it still used to bother me. But, I guess the more you do it, the more comfortable it becomes.

Libby and I got to hear little baby Beau's heart beat while we were there. We went to the midwife with my sister and it was so awesome to hear that sweet beat of life growing inside of her. We are so excited to meet him! Libby got lots of bonding time with him last week.

The week ended on a bitter sweet note. Though I hated to leave, my best friend Brittnie and her daughter Brooklyn followed me back to AR to stay a few days. She is leaving in the morning but we have had a great time. I've worked during the morning the past couple of days and spent the afternoons with them. We've done some shopping and lots of playing with the babies. I'm sad she has to go so soon.

Well, Libby has begun solids! We started with green beans and tried sweet potatoes for the first time tonight. Just as her doctor said, Libby showed us that she was ready. That actually happened while in Murfreesboro. Anytime we ate something, she watched very intently and even started to fuss a bit. While eating supper one night, Mama was holding Libby and before I even had the chance to really even look up, Mama sneaked some mashed potatoes into Libby's mouth. And, of course, Libby LOVED it! She immediately demanded more by literally screaming until Mama gave her another bite. That's when I knew it was time for solids. And I have been so impressed with how well Libby has done with the spoon. She is a little pro at it! She at her green beans with such ease, I could hardly believe it. She really seemed to like to sweet potatoes tonight too. I know most people start with cereal first but we tried cereal a while ago and it really seemed to give her bad gas. So, we are skipping the cereal all together. It's basically just a filler anyway.

What a head!

2010-03-09T14:14:00.000-08:00

Macroencephaly: a fancy word for big head, haha! You can imagine my reaction when Dr. Matthews used that word when talking about Libby's rather, well, large head. It measures in the 95th percentile. He said it's nothing to worry about, but it is something to watch. If it reaches above 95th percentile at her 6 month check-up then we will have to do some exams. He attributes it to Eric's dad who has quite a melon. Great! Just what every mom wants to hear...your daughter has a head like her grandfather :)

She weighs in at 13 lbs 10oz and is 25 and 1/2 inches long. Her weight is in the 50th percentile and her length is in th 75th percentile. She took her shots REALLY well, which was a relief. I was anticipating endless crying for the ride home but she cried less than she did at her 2 month WCV. Most people told me how the 4th month shots tend to be harder but for Libby, it seemed easier. We will see how the rest of tonight and tommorrow go, though. She is sleeping right now. Poor thing was exhausted by the time we first got to the clinic and passed out once in her car seat to leave.

And I have to just say how blessed we are to have such a great pediatrician. He is SO thorough every time we are there. Most doctors seem to rush to get in and out and move on to the next patient. Dr. Matthews has yet to spend less than 15 minutes in the room with us. He explains things with great detail and asks all about Libby's progress. It is very nice to feel like your child's doctor loves what he does and truly cares for your child as an individual. Rare, I would say.

We are still going to wait a little while on the cereal and solid foods. I have tried a few times giving Libby cereal with a spoon and she just pushes it out with her tongue and usually fusses. Dr. Matthews told us just to wait and watch for cues that she is ready for solids. Namely, once she starts fussing at us while we are eating and she is not, then it is time. So, no hurry here. I will probably give it another 3 or 4 weeks and if she still isn't really showing that sign, then we will try again.

Named

2010-03-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

The second week in a row of not sleeping through the night has left me so ridiculously tired. I am perplexed! For a full 6 weeks, Libby was sleeping as much as 10 hours some night. Now, she is waking anywhere between midnight and 3 for a feeding and sometimes, even a second time before it is time to be up for the day. A very intense frustration comes over me each time I hear her start to make those whimpers before she wakes up. I hope she returns to sleeping through the night VERY soon.

Well, the article about Eric and me was published this week. I posted the link to it on Facebook. It was pretty neat reading what she wrote from the interview with us. A few of the details were a little confused, but nothing significant, just some of the time line was a bit off.

So my little nephew will be known as Beau Benton :) I can't wait to meet him. I am planning to hopefully stay with them the week that Cara has him. Well, maybe not at their house necessarily (unless she wants me to) but in Murfreesboro for sure. I already get a lump in my throat thinking about having to leave them afterward :( I was able to be such a big part of Noah's life during that early stage. I so want things to be the same with this baby, and moreover, for both of them to be a big part of Libby's life.

Speaking of Libby....a new milestone accomplished today! She reached for and grabbed her spit cloth while she way laying on the changing table. It was up near her head, she turned (as she always does), grabbed it and brought it to her mouth! I was very excited! I have been waiting for her to do this, especially over the past few days. Monday, she seemed to just instantly discover that she has a hand, particularly her right hand. She has been stretching it way out and looking at it as she moves her fingers. So I knew it would not be long before she might finally reach for something.

Child Care :)

2010-02-23T14:51:00.000-08:00

Last week, Libby started going to "Mother's Day Out" at our church. They have it on Tuesdays and Wednesdays but she is only going on Tuesdays. Since her "regular sitter" can only keep her a couple of days each week, I needed at least another day of child care so I could be in the office a little more. It really has been much easier than I ever anticipated to leave her in "daycare". Though, I don't really consider it day care. It is only from 9:15-2:15 and all the women who keep the newborns are so sweet and give me their personal cell phone numbers to check in on her whenever I want. And there are only like 4 or 5 other babies in her class. It is also much more affordable than I anticipated. Well, I suppose it wouldn't be so affordable if it were 5 days a week, but we can handle the one day a week rate. AND...they write everything down; the times of each diaper, feeding, and her sleeping times. Its pretty neat to see exactly what her day was like even though I wasn't there.

Today, when I picked her up from MDO, I swear she gained a pound! I don't know why but she honestly seemed like she was bigger than she was from this morning. Funny!

V-Day Weekend

2010-02-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

After watching the footage today of the Olympian luge athlete who was killed, I have not been able to stop thinking about it. How can that be a legitimate Olympic sport? It looks like a death wish to me. Sooo incredibly unsafe; 90 miles an hour with essentially no control which direction your body goes. And his poor family. Not only have they lost a son, brother, nephew, etc...but they along with the rest of the world witnessed the tragedy on video. So sad.

I'm a bit ridiculous. I almost teared up watching a commercial earlier. The commercial showed a bunch of kids preparing for the winter Olympics. One little girl was in her figure skating attire, a little boy was on skis getting ready to do the ski jump, and another getting into that torpedo looking sled for the luge. Well, as they went into action, it showed the kids as adults with their parents watching from the stands. Then the commercial said something like "to them, they're still just kids". Augh...I immediately thought of Libby being all grown up, and then I thought about the parents of the guy who just died on the luge, and well, it was just a bit much for a commercial.

Aside from that, its been a good day. We celebrated Valentine's Day today since Eric will be super busy and pretty much gone all day tomorrow with church stuff. We exchanged gifts...he got me a gift certificate to get a pedicure and some chocolate. I got him some gourmet coffee for his Keurig and some peanut m&m's. We also did take out Japanese and enjoyed a "candle lit" dinner at home with Libby. I put candle lit in quotations because it was a single, scented candle...but still romantic I suppose! We also had a great visit with my aunt and uncle. They stopped by on their way home from Hot Springs. They witnessed most of what Libby's day consists of. Sleep, eat, poop (all over her clothes, ha!), and a bath to clean up the poop :)

So Libby stayed in the church nursery for the first time last night. We attended "Date night with a purpose" and I didn't have anyone to keep her at home for us so I (very reluctantly) put her in the nursery. It was not the first nursery experience I had hoped for. She was only in there for 2 hours but when I went to pick her up, she was crying of course. And since I forgot to pack an extra outfit, naturally she had an explosive poop that went all up her back and the nursery ladies had nothing to change her into. The lady who was taking care of her said she cried most of the time and she did not take all of her bottle. This was at about 8:30, normally her bedtime, so she was exhausted but I still had to get her home, cleaned up, and clothes changed. She was out as soon as we got in the car, poor thing, but had to wake up once we got home so I could do all of those things. Poor thing...it was a rough night. Not sure when I will be ready to put her back in a nursery :/

Lately....

2010-02-09T14:46:00.000-08:00

Well, as of last Friday, I now have a 3 month old baby. I simply cannot understand where the last 3 months have gone. I am sure glad they came, though, because each day I fall more and harder in love with my sweet Libby. Her newest thing is chewing/sucking on her hands. At times she will literally refuse to take her pacifier as she prefers her hand to it. Of course, everything in me wants to stop this habit before it starts but it is the sweetest thing to watch. When she does it, she soaks her hand, sleeve, and whatever she is laying on with slobber. Precious! Her little personality has really start to show in her everyday things.

It is confirmed, I am definitely having a nephew this summer. Cara had a second ultrasound and it is still a boy :) It's been a full 6 years of nothing but Noah and I am having a hard time imagining what things will be like with another nephew. I keep picturing him looking just like Noah but I know he will be entirely different, his own little self. I can't wait to meet him! And I love that he and Libby will be so close in age. Noah will be her little "protector" and he will be her little pal. Oohhh, I just can't wait!

Since deciding not to try and do the accelerated nursing program at ASU, I have really wondering when I will be able to go back and finally start my career in health care. I am actually even considering doing a Physician's Assistant program instead of nursing. It's graduate program, and since a PA and nurse practitioner are nearly equivalent, it is seeming very appealing. It actually makes more sense, time wise anyway. Instead of getting a second bachelor's degree to then go onto to grad school, again ;), I would just go straight into my masters. Just a thought....

Missing home

2010-01-27T17:04:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe my sweet Libby will be 12 weeks old tomorrow. How is it that the past 12 weeks have gone by so much faster than the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy?

About the spitting up: since it continued past the 10 days, I knew it must be something more than a virus. I took her to the doctor yesterday and she prescribed Zantac drops for reflux. And what a world of difference it has made. She has spit up only once today, and even that was basically just a little milk left in her mouth I think. I cannot tell you what a relief it is to not be so worried about what could be wrong. Not only that, but I think we will be going through less laundry as well!

Eric is really enjoying being back on staff at a church, even if it is part time. The subbing jobs aren't coming as steadily as we hoped or planned for (financially) but we aren't too worried about it for now. We can get through another month or so and be fine. I keep praying for an opportunity to present itself closer to my family. Sighs...sometimes I feel hopeless. I think there is something to the fact that in Genesis, God said "a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife..." and not that the woman will leave her father and mother. I know I should be grateful for wherever God has me now and get over it, but it simply isn't as simple as that.

In love

2010-01-18T13:08:00.000-08:00

It has been a whole week now since Libby has been sleeping through the night. The first couple nights she went 8 hours, one night she slept a whole whopping 9 and 1/2 hours, and then back to 8 hours. No complaints here :) I'm still pretty stunned.

On the other hand, she seems to have traded waking in the night for spitting up. Prior to this past week, she has never really been much of a spitter. Her pediatrician thinks she probably has a little stomach virus. I am hoping this is the case and she is actually doing much better today. Which leads me to a thought I had after speaking with her doctor. Just how stinkin' awesome is God!? The whole concept of breastfeeding is so perfect. He created us in such an amazing way. See, by breastfeeding Libby, I am giving her the antibodies she needs for her little body to fight off the virus. If she were on formula, her symptoms would have probably been much worse and lasted longer. Additionally what I have been awed by this past week is the way my body is adjusting to her new sleep schedule. The first couple of nights that she slept through, I had to get up and pump because I was so full and honestly, in pain. The following nights I just waited until she woke up to nurse. After only one or two nights, it no longer bothers me at all. Sure I am a little full, but certainly not in pain or even sore. It's like my body just knows.

This part of infancy is so great. Libby is much more interactive and curious now. I am in love with the way she just stares back into my eyes while I am nursing her and rocking her. I am in love with the way she smiles when I babble meaningless noises at her and poke her little cheeks. I am in love with the way she kicks her feet around while she is laying naked on her changing table, which, aside from being on the breast, is her favorite place to be. I can't figure out what it is about the changing table but she absolutely loves it. She is so happy and all smiles when on it. I thought it might just be her changing table but today, we had our photos taken for the Jonesboro Occasions magazine (I'll explain below) and I had to use the changing table at the photographer's studio. Same reaction. Even though she was sleepy and fussy, as soon as I laid her on the table to change her, she was happy as a lark! She's so funny! I love her quirks :)

We had our photos taken to go in the Occasions magazine because earlier this week, one of the journalists interviewed us. Apparently each month they do a section titled "Dedicated". Someone recommended us and so we will be in the March issue. It was pretty neat. When the lady contacted us though, we were both kinda like "us...really??" Haha! I'm excited to read the article though. She asked a lot about Eric's experiences in the ministry and how we met and fell in love. I think it will be a great little keepsake!

2 months

2010-01-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

Libby had her 2 month well-child check-up and immunizations yesterday. I dreaded it all day long but it turned out not to be so bad. I held her in my arms the whole time and she only cried for just a couple of minutes. Eric cried more than she did and no I'm not kidding. Mommy was stronger though, I didn't cry. I also would not watch....Eric did, and when he saw her little leg bleed after the shot, he lost it.

She is up to 11 lbs 4 oz and is 23 inches long. So, she has gained almost 4lbs and 3 inches since birth. I can certainly tell. None of her newborn size clothes fit her anymore. She is wearing 3 months and even some of those fit quite snug. She is in the 75th percentile for her height and weight and her head measurement, well, that's in the 95th percentile, lol.

Year in review...

2010-01-04T16:10:00.000-08:00

Wow...2010! Hardly seems possible. It certainly does not seem like the big fuss over Y2K was 10 years ago. Sheesh, I know the saying is cliche but seriously, where does the time go?! For me, 2009 went something like this....

Continued teaching sex ed...
Started my pre-requisites for the nursing program at ASU...
Found out I was pregnant...
Decided to postpone the nursing program until 2010...
Thought I was losing my job by summer....
Was able to in fact keep my job...
Realized just how much I loved and wanted my baby after I thought I might have miscarried...
Spent the first week of June with my sister, Noah, and Chelsea partly on bed rest...
Found out we were having a baby GIRL!
Enjoyed our 3 year wedding anniversary at a cozy bed and breakfast...
Watched my belly expand daily it seemed...
Learned how to write grants....
Took A&P2 along with my good friend (and we both got A's)...
Was a bridesmaid for my dear friend since 6th grade...and had to wear a size 18 dress that was altered to fit the rest of me....
Babyshower....
Babyshower...
Babyshower...
Was a bridesmaid for my cousin (and dear friend)...and was definitely the biggest of the other 12 bridesmaids on stage (that's right, a total of 13 bridesmaids!)
My sister is finally pregnant!...
Found out our baby girl was breach...
Scheduled a c-section...
Went into labor a week before the scheduled c-section...
Enjoyed the first few weeks after Libby's arrival with my grandma helping take care of me and the baby....
Decided to begin taking steps toward moving closer to my family....which also meant giving up the accelerated nursing program...
Rejoiced at the news that Eric could be home more in the new year...
Praising God for such an unexpected but awesome year!

I would definitely have to say that 2009 has been the best year of my life. My heart and soul have literally expanded with Libby now in my life. She is by far the best blessing God has ever given to Eric and me. And while I am disappointed at not being able to do the accelerated nursing program, there is nothing (or no one) that I could be happier about making that sacrifice for. I am not giving up nursing all together, it will just take a little longer than 1 year. But, this detour will be much better than the original plan! I can't wait to see what 2010 holds in store :)

Transitions

2009-12-18T11:20:00.000-08:00

To follow up on the previous blog, the whole schedule thing is just not worth the worrying. I am just going with it. If Libby wants to wake up, I am not trying to make her go back to sleep. The thing I was most concerned with was the feeding schedule, but ya know, she is getting plenty...she is growing and very healthy. What we have now is more of a routine, rather than a schedule. I'm tired of trying to make Libby follow the clock. Again, I'm just going with it now and I feel much more at ease than a few days ago.

On another note...some big changes are underway for our family. Eric will no longer be working at City Youth. A number of things have lead to this but the biggest factor is Libby. Neither of us can handle the late evenings anymore. They weren't ideal even before Libby arrived, but now that she is here, its killing us. He hates missing out on the precious evening times with her and I hate feeling like a single parent in the evenings. In January, Eric will be working at Central Baptist Church here in Jonesboro with the junior high students. It is only a part time position so the other days of the week, he will substitute teach to supplement the income. He and I both are so excited for this transition.

We are still praying and waiting for a youth position in the Middle Tennessee area. We have done all we know to do to in order to for this to happen. The pastor that actually hired Eric at Central is even helping by sending his resume to some people he knows in the area. That is the pretty awesome thing about this new position. He is not the actual youth pastor, and they realize and completely understand our desire to move closer to family. We are just so thankful to God for providing a position other than CY until this happens.

Keep praying for us! We are excited to begin this new journey and continue seeing God's provision in our lives!

Off schedule

2009-12-14T14:33:00.001-08:00

So maybe I've become a little too dependent on this whole schedule thing. For the past few days, Libby keeps waking up about half way through her nap and I cannot get her to go back to sleep, or at least not a good sleep, I keep having to run in and give her the pacifier every 5-10 minutes or so. Today has been another one of those days except I cannot calm her once she awakes. So, the only thing to do is feed her...which is exactly what the "Babywise" book warns to be careful with so that they do not get in the habit of "snack" feeding instead of taking a full feeding. Anyway, I just don't like not having the predictability of a schedule. It makes me feel a little panicked and like I don't know what I'm doing. But, I keep reminding myself that Libby knows nothing of a schedule, she only knows what her little body feels at the moment. Maybe soon we will be back on a more predictable schedule, at least I hope so for my own sake.

With these last 5 or 6lbs left to lose, you would think I would be a little more motivated to get it off. I can't seem to say no to the junk food. Its as bad as it was when I was pregnant. I have had THREE brownies today! Sheesh...and I know it won't be any easier with 2 Christmas parties this week and our family Christmas get togethers right around the corner. Where is my self control??!!

Our days

2009-12-11T14:19:00.000-08:00

While I have a brief moment before Libby wakes up to eat again, I decided I would update quickly. I find it difficult to get much done in between each feeding. Libby has taken really well to the schedule that I began. I am so glad to have been given the book Babywise...it has been a huge help. This is Libby's day: eat (usually about 20-30 minutes) wake (play/cuddle with mommy about 20 minutes) and nap (usually about 2 hours). And then it starts again. It is so nice having some predictability. I would be a little crazy without it and certainly not be able to plan my day very well.

For the first several weeks after she would nurse, it was very difficult to keep her awake for any length of time. And the brief time she would be awake she would fuss and cry because she wanted to go back to sleep. This has changed, however, as of this week. She finally is staying awake and alert for a little longer and is very content for the most part. She especially loves bath time. That is when she is the most content. I absolutely love it! I plan to post a little video of it to facebook as soon as I get one.

As far as nights go....we have good ones and bad ones. The past two nights she has done pretty well, going about 4 hours between feedings. As opposed to only 2 and 1/2 hours between feedings the 2 nights before. Those were rough nights. And what is most frustrating about those nights is that she never goes only 2 and 1/2 hours between feedings during the day. I usually have to wake her myself so as not to let her go more than about 3 and 1/2 hours between feedings.

The roughest part: being away from my family. The week after Thanksgiving was the definitely the hardest. It was the first time since I'd had her that I was without Mama. Having Libby has really made being away from my family a thousand times worse. I want so bad to be near them, for them to be a part of Libby's life. We are praying hard for an opportunity to open up at a church for Eric in the middle Tennessee area. I'm even willing to give up doing the accelerated nursing program that I've been so set on for so long just to move back closer to them.

So next week is technically the last week of paid time off that I have. It will be the 6th week since I've been on leave which also mean Libby will be 6 weeks old :O That absolutely blows my mind. It certainly doesn't feel like she could already be that old. Before I know she will be graduating high school. If I could freeze time, I really think this would be the point in my life that I would do it. I can't imagine my life being any fuller than this. We are so blessed. So blessed that sometimes I just cry. Tears just come out as I stare at my sweet baby...the best gift God could ever give.

Libby's Arrival

2009-11-21T05:38:00.000-08:00

So, needless to say, I have been pretty preoccupied lately which is why I have not blogged in almost 3 weeks. So, I will try to update as much as I can with this one. Starting with Libby's birth story...

I woke up around 6:30 in the morning on Thursday (11/5) having contractions. I did not really know I was having contractions, I only knew that it felt like menstrual cramps and I really thought it was just Braxton Hicks contractions. However, they kept coming consistently at about every 5 minutes and did so for several hours. By about 7 o'clock, I convinced myself that I should go ahead and shower (really needed to shave my legs) so I could go see the doctor when they opened just to make sure everything was okay. I also decided to start laying a few things out that I would need for the hospital, just in case. I kept waiting to wake Eric up because I really thought there was no way it was anything for real. Well, after the contractions continued at their regular frequency for a couple of hours, I decided to wake Eric up and have him drive me to the doctor. We didn't take any bags, and, if you read my previous post which was the very evening before, we didn't even have a coming home dress yet for Libby.

When we arrived at the doctors office, I felt pretty akward because on our walk up to and into the building, as well as sitting in the waiting room, I kept having to pause and breathe through each contraction. Naturally, my regular doctor was not working that day so I had to see another. This doctor happens to be a man (mine is a woman, and I much prefer that). Now, my doctor kept putting off checking my cervix since the c-section was scheduled, she said she wouldn't put me through the discomfort if she didn't have to. So, of course, the one and only time I have to get my cervix checked, it would be by a man! Lol...it wasn't as bad as I anticipated though. And, much to our surprise, he looks up at us and says "you are about 4cm dilated". He also proceeded to tell us that we needed to head right over to the hospital. WOW! Defintitely not what we were expecting to hear. We were so excited though, still in disbelief, but super excited. We started making phone calls immediately.

When we got to the labor and delivery floor, again, it was not my doctor that was on call, but it was Dr. Fields...who happens to be the husband of a lady that I work with. So, I have known him for the past year or so but only in a non-doctor-patient type of way. I couldn't believe he was going to be delivering our baby! Anyway, after taking care of all the admission stuff and blood work, they wheeled me back to the operating room. The anesthesiologists administered the spinal, which, was very uncomfortable. Not the actual needle, but rather the position they made me get into. I kept wanting to scream "I have a huge belly right now, I can't bend that way!" They were merciless...just kidding...but it was rough. So after about 10 or 15 minutes of waiting for the spinal to fully kick in, Dr. Fields started the c-section. I felt alot more than I anticipated. Not pain, just sooo much pressure and tugging and pressing. But, all totally worth it once I heard my sweet baby cry :)

I could see her over to my left hand side as they assessed her and cleaned her up a bit. I was still in disbelief! I wanted to hold her and look at her so badly. Eric brought her over to me but I couldn't really see her very well since I was laying down. And I was pretty distracted as the doctor was sewing me up. That was more uncomfortable even than when he was delivering her for some reason. Not the actual stitching up, but I guess where they have to massage the uterus and all that good stuff. Again, I felt alot more than I anticipated. The nurses shot me up with some morphine (which I later regretted because it made me so groggy) and wheeled me to my sweet girl.

I didn't get to hold her immediately, though. The nurse was still assessing her and trying to get her temperature stable. Libby was perfect, though. She was 7lbs 10oz. She scored a 9 on the APGAR and the nurse was so impressed with Libby's strong suck reflex (which has been so helpful with nursing). I simply couldn't stop admiring how beautiful she was. Her full little face and perfect little mouth! I could hardly imagine that only minutes before, she was inside of me! So bizarre! It still is really!

Well, that is the story of Libby Amelia's birth. I will post more about her at another time!

Final week

2009-11-04T05:33:00.001-08:00

One week to go! And very ready...it is getting so hard to sleep at night because the bigger Libby gets, the more upward into my ribs she goes. I think she is confused, haha, instead of dropping like most babies in the end of pregnancy, she must think she will exit through my throat. That is exactly how it feels sometimes!

On Monday, we had our Meld meeting (which is a parent group meeting for our teens at Paces). I was so pleased with how it went. It began a little rough because we realized we had not ordered enough food for everyone but we got a few pizzas to supplement. We had nearly 10 teen moms and 3 in our group for older moms. I taught the teen group and it was one of those times that reminded why I love what I do.

So Eric and I are still on the search for the perfect little dress to bring Libby home in from the hospital. Even though it will only be like a 2 minute car ride, I want it to be special. There is a dress from Baby Gap that I just adore and would buy except the smallest size they have in our store here is 3-6 months. And I refuse to pay $17 in shipping (the dress is already $36) to order it online and have it here in time for her birth. I'm running out of places to look though.

One more weekend

2009-10-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

I realized this morning that this is the last weekend that it is just Eric and me. Next weekend, Mama is coming to be here a few days before the c-section and then for a couple of weeks afterward to help me as I recover. Wow...how crazy! I really can't believe Libby is almost here!

Nothing new at the doctor's appointment yesterday. My Group B strep test came back negative, which is good. I had a ton of questions for my doctor about the c-section and I'm sure I will have even more for her at my appointment next week. I have been reading and researching as much as I can over the past week and it is really helping me become more accepting of the c-section, not that I have much choice. I suppose I am glad that I have some time to prepare mentally for it rather than having to have an emergency c-section with no notice.

This has been a nice, relaxing week. I have been into the office only a few days this week and working a little bit from home as well. It makes me wish I would have cut back on my hours a little sooner. Not only am I less achey and tired, but also I have had time to get some much needing housework done.

So I am getting pretty excited about the nursing program again. Even though it still about 8 months away, I know they will go by quickly, especially having Libby here. Granted, I get a little stressed when I think about the work load involved and the financial pressure of paying the tuition on top of bills without the help of a 2nd income...BUT I have full faith that God will provide a way. It has been a whole year ago since I made the decision to withdraw from the social work program and enter nursing instead. And though we made a slight detour from the plan, aka Libby :), it is the best detour that could have ever happened!

Please flip....

2009-10-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

So today's visit to the OB was quite disappointing. Despite the fact that I have known from the beginning that this was a large possibility, it does not make it any easier to hear that I will probably have to have a c-section because Libby is breech. People keep telling me, don't worry, she has plenty of time to flip. And, I appreciate the reassurance and if I had a regularly shaped uterus like most normal women, then I might be able to find comfort in those words. However, because I was born with this stinkin bicornuate uterus (picture a heart vs. a pear), Libby essentially does not have any room to make a flip. I'm not completely hopeless, though. I am going to try the exercises that my doctor recommended to try and get her to flip, but even my doctor was not very optimistic that these would work in my case.

In case some of you may be wondering about another method that most have heard of, the external flip, I am not a candidate for this. This involves the doctor physically pushing the baby from the outside to try and make her turn. When I asked her about this, she told me that 1. She would not do this as it would be ineffective with the shape of my uterus 2. It is not performed on first pregnancies because the uterine muscles are not flexible enough 3. It is quite risky because it can cause the placenta to dislodge thereby causing a stillbirth. So...needless to say, the external flip is not an option.

If Libby does not flip before then, the c-section is scheduled for 10:30 on November 11. And even on the day of, my doctor assured me that they will do an ultrasound to once again make sure that she has not flipped.

I know it is a ridiculous thing to be upset over. In the end, we will still have our beautiful baby girl and that in and of itself is beyond worth whatever I need to do to get her here. It's just going to take me a little while, I suppose, to get the concept into my head. For the past 6 or 7 months, I have had this scenario in my head of the ideal birth and how I was going to deliver naturally and recover quickly. And now, in one day, that whole scenario has changed. It's quite a bit to take in, really.

On the positive side, the ultrasound showed a healthy baby girl (and yes, there was a surprising amount of relief to see that she is still in fact a girl, lol). Based on her measurements, she is approximately 6lbs 6oz right now. We didn't get any really good photos of her so I won't even post them because even I can hardly tell what they are supposed to be.

Going, going, going.....

2009-10-10T17:39:00.000-07:00

Whoa! What a busy week for the Lloyd's! We returned home last Sunday from Murfreesboro where we were thrown 2 baby showers. We got some great stuff and are still working on putting things away. Early Tuesday morning we were on our way to Atlanta with our dear friends Dan and Veronica. It was one of the best ways to spent nearly 8 hours in a vehicle. We arrived at our hotel just in time to freshen up and leave again to make it to the U2 concert at the Georgia Dome.

The concert was AMAZING!!! I love U2's music but I love their message/mission even more. At one point during the concert, Bono lead the entire 70,000 fans in a chorus of Amazing Grace. It was pretty darn cool! I kept watching the couple sitting in front of us as they downed one beer after another. I lost count at one point and kept waiting for the guy to possibly fall over because I KNOW he had to have drank at least 12-15 beers within those couple of hours. What's more is that one beer cost $8!!!! Who can afford that????

Anyway, we headed back to Jonesboro and made it back Wednesday evening. Cara, Noah, and Ashley W. arrived at my house on Thursday afternoon. It was a short stay but I was sooo incredibly glad they came. They helped me unpack all the gifts and organize them. I have quickly realized we do not have enough room for Libby and all of her new things, lol. And there are still several things we still need...including: changing pad for the table, bathtub, burb cloths, monitor, and breast milk storage bags.

Friday, we all drove to Dyersburg to make it to Candi's rehearsal dinner. It was a such a great time for our family to get together. It doesn't happen real often so I always enjoy events like this. The wedding was beautiful today! Though I think they may have set some kind of record for largest wedding party ever (nearly 40 on stage!), it turned out beautifully choreographed and I can't wait to see the photos. So, finally, after the reception Eric and I are finally home and winding down our incredibly busy week by watching a few episodes of The Office, one of our favorite things to do at home :) And, on the drive home this evening, I realized that in the last 5 days, we have been in a total of 5 different states! Quite a feat for being 8 and 1/2 months pregnant :)

Counting down

2009-10-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

So if you haven't already, you should check out the sweet maternity photos that are up on Facebook. There are only a few up, we will get to see the rest in the coming weeks once the photographer is done editing them. She did an amazing job and she will also do Libby's newborn photos. I can't wait!

And the wait continues to get shorter and shorter. Just barely 6 more weeks left :) I can hardly believe it, BUT I am sooo ready to meet her. I can't wait to see what she looks like and get to know her and her little personality. I know a lot of women have mixed emotions toward the end of pregnancy. And while I am indeed so overjoyed that God blessed me with the opportunity to help take part in creating life, I am SO ready for my sweet baby to just be here in my arms rather than in my tummy, lol!

We are heading to Murfreesboro tomorrow evening and I am so excited! Saturday is my baby shower that Cara and Mama are throwing for me and then on Sunday, my aunt Debby is hosting Libby a baby brunch. It is going to be a fantastic weekend :)

On target

2009-09-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

It was such a great weekend, albeit busy, but great! Most of my time was spent with the girls for Erika's wedding, which turned out beautifully. They drove off in a pretty awesome car too...a brand new yellow Camaro. I also was able to spend a lot of time with Noah. He spent the night with me Thursday night and Saturday night. He is always the best part of coming home!

I am now going to the OB every 2 weeks. I went this morning and everything is great. The back pain has eased up considerably which I am so grateful for. I guess things have shifted just enough to give some relief. I measured exactly on target....32 cm. The cm should correspond with the number of weeks you are, so Libby is just perfect :)

I am about to start reading a book titled Hypnobirthing. My friend Amy recommended it and she is going to lend me her CD's that go along with it. The basic premise is that childbirth is a natural process (obviously) and by preparing yourself with relaxation and breathing techniques you can train yourself to not "fight" against the changes your body undergoes during labor. So instead of being afraid of labor and therefore slipping into fight or flight mode (which tenses muscles, releases steriods, etc), you simply let your body do what it needs to do. Granted...I don't for one second think that labor will be easy or pain free, I'm just really trying to have the best chance possible to have a natural labor and delivery. I am also praying that Libby flips into head down position (and am asking you to pray for that too please) so that we don't have to have a C-section.

Noah

2009-09-07T10:23:00.001-07:00

So my husband watches the weirdest TV shows. Tim and Eric's Awesome Show Good Job!, The Mighty Boosh, Tool Academy....to name a few. I don't get it.

My house feels very empty right now. Chris, Cara, and Noah spent the weekend with us and they left this morning. We had such a great weekend though. Cara and I actually were able to go shopping on both Saturday and Sunday. That usually never happens. Since Noah was able to hang out with Chris and Eric, Cara and I were a bit more free than usual. Noah was just as entertaining as usual though. Here are a few of those classic Noah moments: Yesterday, around 3:00, Cara realized that Noah had not brushed his teeth that morning. She told him several times to go brush them and each time, in his whiney voice, he protested that he didn't know how. He then walked over to Cara, picked up her hand, and got very close to her face and said in his very mature, grown-up voice, "Mom, don't you understand? I don't know how to brush my teeth!" I about died with laughter, though Cara was pretty frustrated.

Then, at the Red Birds game that they went to last night, Eric told us that every time people would get off the elevator, Noah would say to them "Remember to buckle up and drive home safely". Oh, my....what a kid!

Nesting

2009-08-30T18:01:00.000-07:00

Only 11 more weeks...yay!

Nesting mode has definitely begun...yesterday, I scrubbed my walls, painted more furniture, bought a new bookshelf because I didn't want to paint our old one (not worth the effort, its cheap), bought a new shoe organizer to clear out room in the closet in Libby's room, and my next endeavor is to find the perfect rug at a bargain for the nursery.

Doctor's appointment tomorrow to check my back. I left work early on Friday because I couldn't even sit at my desk. To get any relief, I have to lay flat on my back. Obviously, this is a tad inconvenient. So, after talking to the nurse, she wanted me to come in tomorrow morning. I think Libby is on a nerve or something because it is only one small area in the middle of my back that aches...well, aches is a understatement.

We enjoyed lunch with some good friends today and were entertained by their kids who are 5 and 7. It was great catching up. Then after a very short afternoon, we had a meeting at church as our small groups are about to begin again for the fall. We are helping lead a small group but this time, it won't be at our house. We are going to co-lead with another couple and I am really looking forward to getting to know them better. They have an 8 month old little girl, so I know Amy will have good advice to pass on.

Connected

2009-08-25T19:02:00.000-07:00

Eric and I went to Mazzio's for dinner tonight and after Eric parked, we both stayed in the vehicle typing away on our phones...he on his touch screen and I on my blackberry. Of course as we realized this, we both laughed at ourselves. But I pointed out to him how insanely connected we are. Especially me. I am always either texting or facebooking or emailing friends and family. Through Facebook alone, I am instantly connected to some 800 people. It is really interesting to think about. Communication is so different than it was even just five or ten years ago. I like technology :)

Libby update: she's growing and so am I. Each week my belly gets just a litle bigger. And for the few times that I thought maybe the ultrasound tech and doctor maybe mistaken about me having the bicornuate uterus...I no longer doubt. They said from the first ultrasound that she was in the left "horn" of the uterus and that is clearly evident now. She NEVER moves to the right side. She stays on the left side and balls up a lot. It makes the left side of my stomach feel rock hard...its sometimes almost painful.

Clumsy

2009-08-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

Preparation for Libby is well on its way. Her room is coming along so nicely :) I am completely finished painting her furniture and replacing the hardware. I am quite proud of how it turned out. We purchased a new light fixture for her room, which Eric installed last night. It looka so much better too. It is much brighter than the previous one. We have also purchased the paint and Eric will paint her walls next week since he has the entire week off of work (lucky him, right!) And all of the hand-me-down clothes are either hung in her new closet/armoire or folded away nicely in drawers. Although, I am now wondering where we will store all of the diapers that are yet to come. I talked to Mama on the phone yesterday and she's already bought ten boxes of size 1 diapers...in addition to the 5 or 6 packs of newborn sized diapers that she has already given me. I'm so excited! And so grateful to have such an awesome grandma and supportive family!

I had a doctor's appointment earlier this week and things are going great. I go back in 3 weeks and after that visit, it moves to every 2 weeks. This is going to make things go by pretty quickly. I just love how much Libby moves and I realized today that only two other people have actually felt her kick (aside from me) and that's Eric and his mom. His mom visited this weekend and felt a small couple of kicks.

So, I fell today. I was leaving the house and as I was going down the 2 steps on our back deck, my heel (yes, I was wearing heels) got caught on the step and down I went. Praise God that I landed straight on my knees. It hurt like crazy, I literally almost cried. I was just so relieved that I didn't fall on my stomach. It really scared me and of course Eric was pretty freaked out. He was just a few feet ahead of me and heard the expletive escape my mouth. But other than my now scraped knees, I'm fine.

Painted

2009-08-09T18:34:00.001-07:00

Libby's room is slowly but surely coming together...and quite nicely too. A few weekends ago, Eric and his dad assembled the crib, which was a gift from Libby's great Aunt Debbie. We purchased the changing table that I blogged about. And finally this weekend I began painting the armoire and the vanity. They are both hand-me-downs, well, sort of anyway. The vanity was mine that Mama and Papa bought me years ago for my bed room at home. The armoire used to be Cara's when we were kids. So, I used a de-glosser to strip to gloss (instead of sanding them down) and saved a ton of time. They are both a beautiful antique white now and look so great with the crib and changing table. Now all I have left to do is buy some new hardware for the handles. Eric is in charge of painting the room. I drew the line there :)

Summer class is finished, praise the Lord! It feels great to be done and even better to have some free time to get other things done (i.e. painting furniture). I made A's in both the class and the lab so I am very satisfied.

This afternoon I enjoyed spending some time with my roommate from college, Deidre. She actually now lives only a few miles down the road from Mama and Papa in Lebanon, TN. She and her husband are expecting their first baby as well and we are actually due within a week of each other. They are having a little boy though, and naming him Ezra. We have already arranged the marriage!

Now that our Old Navy here carries maternity clothes, Deidre and I decided to check it out. I was so glad to finally see a few cute maternity clothes. I bought my first pair of maternity jeans and 2 cute tops. It is going to be so nice to be comfortable in a pair of jeans again. And that band that nearly reaches my boobs, let me tell ya, that's real sexy! I am absolutely ecstatic about becoming a mom, but I also absolutely cannot wait to have my pre-pregnancy body back. I hardly even feel like myself when I look in the mirror. It's almost bizzare.

Enjoyment

2009-07-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

Today was my last day of lab for my summer class, woohoo! Now all I have left is the practical on next Tuesday. Then I have to take my final exam for the online lecture (except in person) on Wednesday and voila...2 more prerequisites out of the way and 2 more to go (organic chemistry and lab). After class today, my friend Danae and I treated ourselves to a real fancy lunch...pizza at Sam's club! Don't laugh, its so great and so ridiculously cheap at $2.50 for pizza and a drink.

The next exciting thing is that Libby is now at the "age of viability" that I mentioned the last time I blogged. Its a calming reassurance to finally be at this point in the pregnancy. And I'm really starting to enjoy the miracle that is happening within me. Everytime she moves now, I feel it and think, wow, there is life growing inside of me. Sometimes, it feels as if she is streching her whole body and it almost takes my breath away because I can literally feel her pushing my organs out of her way. It is simply amazing.

According to the weekly development calendar that I read every week, Libby basically looks completely like she will when she is born, except she will just put on more fat between now and then. Her facial features and ears are all positioned where they will stay and her eyelashes, brows, and hair are all in place as well. The biggest tasks that remain for her are the development of her lungs and to gain weight.

On a different note, I finished writing another grant this week. The 3rd one so far and the largest. In this grant, I asked for $70,000!! I cannot wait to find out whether or not we get it! We certainly need it if we are to continue our program at Paces. I'm working on another one now, but it is much smaller, only for about $5000. I am really enjoying it too. I have learned a great deal about the non-profit world and about programs that work. I also am realizing that maybe part of the reason that God worked everything out the way He has over the past few months was so that I could help keep Paces in our community. I have always had a talent for writing (not necessarily creatively, just correctly) and for the first time, I am really being able to use that talent to make a difference, and not just to make a good grade on a paper. It's pretty neat to feel like you are actually using the talents that God has given to you. So, I keep reminding myself of this when I start moping about having to put the nursing program on hold until next fall. It is all in God's plan.

Doctor visit

2009-07-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

Quick update- I had my doctor's visit this morning. I drank some super thick, super sweet liquid for the glucose test that really wasn't quite as horrible as I anticipated. After an hour, they checked my blood sugar and it was normal. It was actually at 94 and as long as it is under 140, it is considered normal. So, no gestational diabetes for me :) And my iron level was just where it needs to be as well. Libby's heart rate was 158, again, absolutely normal and where it should be.

So, just one more week and I will be considered "in the game" as my doctor puts it. Basically, 24 weeks is the age of viability. In other words, once I'm past 24 weeks Libby has a chance to live outside of the womb if something were to happen, like if I went into labor early. Not that we want that to happen, and a baby at 24 weeks would still be very risky, but it is at least comforting to know just in case anything did happen.

Libby's nursery is officially a work in progress. Her crib is now assembled, thanks to Eric and his dad. I purchased a changing table/dresser this weekend at a consignment shop and I am so proud of it. It was such a steal and its in great condition. The only I need to do is change out the knobs.

Gassy

2009-07-16T19:54:00.001-07:00

So seeing Dumbledore die on the big screen was just as heart wrenching as reading in the book. Although, I at least didn't cry like a baby as I did a few years ago when I first read the 6th book. Of course, the smell of someone passing gas does alter the the mood of the movie just a tad. It was either someone beside me or in front of me and it was awful and continous throughout the whole movie. It wasn't Eric, lol, he wouldn't have denied it. So anyway...

Libby's crib is now here. Its not set up yet, just here still in the box. We picked it up yesterday and hopefully Eric will have time to assemble it this weekend. We also moved the guest bed into the office, making it now the office/guest room. Things are chaning all around at the Lloyd residence. Fun changes though!

I am enjoying our new tenant so, so much. I don't remember if I blogged about it or not, but our former tenant moved out and a friend of mine, Maegon, moved in. She is the first female to rent it from us and I am so glad to have someone who finally appreciates the space for what it is and really shows its true potential. She has made it so cute and cozy. Much more so than any guy we have ever rented it to. I am also enjoying having her our neighbor that lives in our backyard. We've hung out a few times and she's just fun to be around. She invited Eric and I over for dinner tonight because she was making Indian cuisine. We are very rude people, apparently, and it slipped our minds and we went to see Harry Potter and missed dinner. I'm hoping she had some left overs, though, that I can at least sample!

Lately

2009-07-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

Summer session is in full swing now. I began my A&P2 online class on Monday and my lab (which actually meets in class) on Tuesday. I think I will really enjoy doing it in just a month. The material stays so fresh on your brain for the test since we have one every week. Once I finish this class, I only have one more class to go to complete my prereqs for the nursing program which I still intend to start next August.

On another note, Libby is growing daily and doing great. She kicks and flips often throughout the day. Lately, its during my lab. I'm not sure if its the professors voice that gets her going or maybe just the environment, but she is really active during my lab time. Maybe that means she will love school like her mommy! I can only hope!

I experienced the neatest thing just about an hour ago. Several times I felt a jab about an inch or so above my bellybutton and kind of to the left. The first couple of times, I wondered, is that gas or is it her? I kind of thought it was too high up to be her but I raised my shirt up to watch, and sure enough I actually saw that spot jump up at the same time I felt her jab. It was simply amazing! It keeps getting more real that there is an actual little person in there. I am so captivated lately with the just how intricately God creates life. As I look at the first ultrasound and compare it to the one we had at 19 weeks, it is nothing short of amazing how life forms. And in such a relatively short time. Just beautiful!

Kicking

2009-06-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

I am taking a small break from cleaning my house so I thought I would blog about the amazingness that is baby Libby moving inside my tummy. I felt what I was finally for sure was her on the day of the ultrasound. Then throughout the rest of this week, I have felt a few more movements, almost like when she changes positions, but not really any kicks or "flutters" like many have described it to feel like.

Well, this morning, I woke up and felt her balled up right below my belly button slightly to the left. I have experienced this a lot during the past few weeks. When I got out of bed, I laid on the couch to watch some TV and started feeling the most awesome thing ever. It felt almost like popcorn popping or jumping jellybeans in my stomach. And it just kept on. It was so neat! I guess Libby was kicking all around because there was no mistaking this for gas or anything else. I can't wait to start feeling that more and more often.

And, I think we have finally decided on her name: Libby Amelia Lloyd. We both love it and I'm just hoping I don't come across a name that I like better because I really want to go ahead and give her a name. It makes this whole thing a little more realistic.

Enriched

2009-06-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

What an amazing past few days it has been! In celebration of the 3 years of marriage, Eric and I went on a weekend get-away to a little bed and breakfast in Mt. View, AR. When I began planning the trip, we had absolutely no idea how much God was going to enrich our lives through this one little b&b.

We arrived on Friday evening, after a beautiful drive up the mountain. We checked in and unloaded our stuff. The Inn at Mt.View was built in the 1880's and was a boarding school in its time. So, the whole house if full of antiques and things that really take you back in time. We stayed in room called Violet's Arbor. It was precious! Our bathroom was located just across the hall so they provided bath robes for us. Here are a couple of pics of the room.
After dinner that evening (at a local Mexican restaurant), we bought some ice cream from a little snack bar trailer on the square and headed back to the Inn to enjoy the music. See, in this little mountain town, musicians bring out their fiddles and banjos and play right in the middle of town. Fortunately, the Inn was located right on the square so we could enjoy the music from the rocking chairs on the front porch. And, while we did so Friday evening, so did many of the other guests. This is where we first met Loyd and Kay. An elderly couple in their 70's who you wouldn't think were over 50. They were so conversational and full of life. We took right to them! I feel like I know all of their children and grandchildren. One of their sons lives in IN, is a professor at the medical school there, is married to a pediatrician and has 6 children (4 girls, 2 boys). Another son of theirs is a Lutheran minister in CA, and has 4 children. The other son, lives in WA and is a financial manager for a very wealthy man and has 2 children. I can even tell you many of the grandchildrens' names.....I want to adopt Loyd and Kay into our family.

Then there were the Inn keepers, Mark and Joanne. We also felt like family with them. After great conversation Friday night, Mark told us the next morning that since none of their children seem to be producing any grandchildren any time in the near future, they wanted to become the adoptive grandparents to our baby girl :) They even offered to let us stay another night for free. Sadly, we could not but we assured them that we most definitely be back again. We want to return in the winter so that we can experience the whole bundled up with the fire place going atmosphere. Several of the other guests shared some winter stories of how romantic it is! We hope to make our trip to Mt. View an annual tradition.

At breakfast on Saturday morning, we realized what a small world it is. Breakfast is served at 8:30 to everyone in the dining area around beautifully set breakfast tables. Our table seated 10 and as we got to know some of the other guests, we met another couple, Laney and Judy. They told us that they had traveled from Newbern, TN. To which I was like, oh...I have a cousin that was born there and now my aunt and uncle live in Dyersburg. As it turns out, Laney has been on several mission trips with my Uncle Jim! I could hardly believe that we would end up at the same b&b! It was so neat making that connection! And then of course, we swapped some funny uncle Jim stories :) (if you know my uncle Jim, you understand the humor in that)

There were several other couples with whom we became very acquainted. Of course, we were the youngest couple there. I don't think anyone else was under the age of 40. But, I liked it that way. I am (and pretty much always have been) more comfortable and felt more natural with older people. They are way better than people my own age....lol! But seriously, the people were so wonderful and it reminded of how awesome God is. It is hard to describe the feeling that your heart and soul produces when you truly connect with another person that He has created. When you are genuinely interested and invested in that person's life and you realize how much your life has been enriched by just getting to know them, if even for just a weekend. And to think how completely God comprehended that when He said "It is not good for man to be alone...". Now, of course I know that usually you think of that in the context of husband and wife, but it is even beyond that. We NEED others! Here is a photo of our little weekend family.So after such a great weekend, we started our week off just as great. We had another ultrasound and saw our sweet, growing, active little girl. We even got a video of it. And, if I can find a way to upload it from a VHS tape, I promise I will. The great news and answered prayer is that the area of blood that caused the bleeding a few weeks ago is now gone! It has been re-absorbed into the body which is exactly what we were praying for. And, I felt the baby move as the tech pressed on my tummy with the scanner thing. And, this evening I have felt her moving as well and words can't describe it. In several of the photos, and in the video, Libby was sucking her thumb! It was absolutely precious! Oh, yeah, we haven't really told many people yet, but we have decided to name her Libby. The middle name is still TBA. We haven't decided on that yet. Here is Libby sucking her thumb!

17 weeks

2009-06-10T16:21:00.000-07:00

I am now at 17 and 1/2 weeks in my pregnancy and doing well. I haven't had any more bleeding or complications in almost 3 weeks, so that great news! My belly is starting to round out a little finally. It actually looks like a bump now instead of just pudgyness (like that word?!) Here is a photo that I took yesterday. I am standing in the room that will soon be transformed into the nursery. Whew, just thinking about that project wears me out.

We are not finding it very easy to pick out a name. All of the names we daydreamed of before we were ever pregnant just aren't as appealing anymore. The one name we keep going back to is Lucy. I wish I could see what she looks like to know whether or not Lucy is going to fit. When I think of Lucy, I picture a little curly haired girl with a lot of quirk. Who knows, maybe she will just grow into the name. But we still can't decide on a middle name even if we do go with Lucy. This name picking business is much harder than I ever thought.

Last week was a great week. Cara, Noah, and Chelsea came to stay with me since Eric was away at camp. I worked at home some each day and then had the rest of the day to hang out with some of my most favorite people. We took the kids to the Pink Palace in Memphis one day and swimming another. Oh, we also took the to see "UP" in 3d one evening. Super cute movie but hardly worth the extra $3 for the glasses. I hated they had to leave on Friday, but Penny (my m-i-l) came to stay the weekend with me. I really enjoyed hanging out with her. I think I about wore her out shopping on Saturday and she may think twice the next time I mention shopping again, lol, but it was fun. And I purchased some much needed clothes, as mine are all fitting much much tighter these days :)

Eric is now home again and it was back to a regular work week finally this week. So far, it has been a busy one. I started working on a grant for the first time ever. It is a little overwhelming but I think I have the hang of it. Hopefully I can get it finished soon so there is plenty of time to edit and polish it up before the deadline.

Here's a thought: only 2.5 more weeks and I am half way through the pregnancy!

More bed rest

2009-05-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

Another week of bed rest....although I at least can work from home this week. As long as I stay on the couch and off my feet. So, I am catching up on paperwork that needs to be done.

So, here is the good news first. An ultrasound showed a healthy, active little baby *girl* :) again today. I went to the doc again b/c I bled again Saturday evening. Baby girl was pretty evidently a girl and again, very active with a strong heart beat. Here's a pic. It's a little fuzzy but still pretty cool!

On the not so good side....the ultrasound showed an area of blood behind my placenta. This is what the doctor thinks may be causing the bleeding. She said that with the bicornuate uterus and now with this area of blood, things could be a little more problematic. I won't go into full details, but she is concerned and I'm a little scared. We are going to have to just take it week by week. If I can go a full 7 days without bleeding, she may let me go back to working in the office. Until then though, it looks like I'm stuck on this couch. Oh, and still no cleaning, grocery shopping, etc.

We can only pray that this problem resolves itself. Even as unexpected (and poorly timed) as this pregnancy was, we are already so much in love with this baby. I keep reminding myself that God created this life for his purpose and that He is ultimately the one in whose care this child is.....not mine, not the doctor's, but HIS. Please keep us in your prayers.

Update

2009-05-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

I went to my doctor this morning. The baby is still doing good, still has a nice strong heart beat. My doctor does not have a real explanation what caused the bleeding. She think it may be related to the fact that I have a bicornuate uterus. So, to be cautious, she told me be on bed rest until Monday. I still get to travel to M'boro this weekend, though I will just have to continue resting there as well.

Eric is staying in Little Rock tonight and it really stinks. I don't do well by myself at night. I would go stay with someone but I really need to stay here. So, I may not sleep much tonight. And I bet I stay on the couch.

Scare

2009-05-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

We had quite a scare last night. I went to the emergency room because I was bleeding pretty heavily and I kind panicked. I was going to wait and not go to the ER ( b/c of the wait and its super expensive) and just go to the doctor in the morning, but after passing a fairly large clot, I simply could not wait. It really worried me.

So after hours of waiting in the ER room, they finally did some blood work and determined my levels were normal, no indication of miscarriage. Then, an ultrasound tech finally did an ultrasound and I can't remember a time where I have felt so much relief and gratitude. There was the baby and the heart beat going strong. It was beyond amazing to see our baby kicking and flipping and moving its little arms all over the place. The tech was very pleased to see the baby so active. She also told us (even though its nothing conclusive b/c its so early) that it looks like a girl. There were no signs of boy genitals. So...we very well may be having a little girl. We will find out more conclusively next month.

We went home around 3 am and they had no real explanation for the bleeding. It could be a number of things but we are hoping that it is just the area of blood (called subchorionic hematoma) that was detected in my first ultrasound that was simply coming out. Anyway, the doctor in the ER told me to be on bedrest for 24 hours. I am going to see my OB in the morning so they can check and make sure everything is still ok. The bleeding has stopped now, which is very relieving.

So, I'm all cooped up on the couch today. I've been going back and forth between watching tv, playing on the internet, and flipping through magazines. It really stinks on a day like this when the weather is simply beautiful. I'm getting very bored.

Sigh of Relief

2009-05-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

So as most of you know, I have been a little stressed over the past couple of months, since I found out that my job would be ending in June. It was really a hard thing to swallow, especially since I found out barely a week after we discovered I was pregnant. Well, I have finally reached a point where I have been at peace about the whole, simply trusting God to provide one way or the other. Ultimately deciding that I would try to get a job in the fall as a substitute teacher.

Today brought some incredibly wonderful news. After a board meeting yesterday, our board crunched some numbers (I guess) and have decided to keep me on staff! So...no job searching for this pregnant lady. I can't even describe the relief and gratitude I feel. Moreover, my hours are going back to 30 instead of 25, which seems small but makes quite a difference.

Another thing that is changing is my position/title. I will no longer be the community educator, instead I will be a case manager. As much as I love teaching sex ed to students, I am still very excited to work with our clients (pregnant and parenting teen moms). I will be doing one on one case management, meaning I will do home visits and basically do what I can to educate teen moms about their pregnancy and preparing to become a parent.

Again, I am so relieved. And (as usual) feel foolish for ever worrying that things wouldn't all fall into place as they always do. God always provides and its always better than ever thought.

Babies

2009-05-13T15:27:00.000-07:00

Abigaile Elizabeth Lucas is finally here! She arrived yesterday morning at 7lbs and 2oz. After what can only be called a miracle of God, she is here and doing well. The doctor had to do an emergency C-section on Kristen after breaking her water and realizing the placenta had ruptured (causing much bleeding). Had it not been for Kristen's mom insisting that she go to the doctor, Kristen very easily could have died. Before anyone, even Kristen's husband, could make it to the hospital, the doctor already had Kristen under anesthesia and deilvered the baby. Kristen's uterus, however, continued to bleed profusely. Unable to control it with coagulants, the doctor then had to do another surgery on her uterus before stitching her back up. Kristen lost so much blood that she had to have a blood transfusion. Abigaile inhaled some of the blood, so she was in the NICU until the blood cleared out of her lungs. Kristen just got to see her for the first time today. I know it must have been incredibly difficult having to wait that long, but Kristen said she is doing better today and I absolutely cannot wait to meet baby Abi!

Go figure that she would have the baby the very next day after I return to Arkansas. It was a great weekend though. I spend Saturday with Brittnie and baby Brooklyn. Brooklyn is absolutely beatiful (so is Abigaile, I forgot to mention). Here are pictures of both.
This is baby Abigaile Elizabeth!
This is baby Brooklyn Saydi!

I'm love them both so much already. It makes me that much more excited to have this one. They are all going to be great friends!

I'm now 13 and 1/2 weeks pregnant. I'm still not really showing yet, just a small little pooch that makes me look like I just need to try a little harder at sucking in :)

Tired and Yearning

2009-05-05T17:00:00.000-07:00

Whew is all I can say after what has seemed like an abnormally long day. I started my morning with a load of laundry (never a fantastic way to start any day). I rushed into work to grab some last minute things I needed to set up my first booth at a jr. high for the national month to prevent teen pregnancy. The booth was a hit! I created a Jeopardy: Sex Ed Edition game on a trifold board with 4 categories: STD's, pregnancy, abstinence, and HIV. Each level of points could win different prizes and the students were all over it. Not one slow moment between the 2 lunches. I really enjoyed it! And I was so glad that the students enjoyed it as much as they did. It was certainly more than I expected.

Then, it was lunchtime for me. So two of the girls from the office and myself went to O'charleys which was great. It was a little sad, however, because today was Danae's last day and therefore our last "office" lunch together with her. After lunch, we headed straight to Walmart to buy food for the parent meeting tonight. I, then, had to take 4 frozen lasagnas back to my house to bake. 2 went into my oven and 2 went into the oven out in our apartment (2 ovens in very handy). Naturally, it took longer than I thought because I forgot to figure in that 2 lasagnas take longer to bake than just one. So, I finally get the lasagnas along with the salad and drinks up to the church (where our meeting is held) by about 5:15. We had no volunteers tonight to help with the meeting, so I stayed to help watch the kids and serve dinner. And now, at 7:15 I finally get to stretch my legs out on my overly comfy couch and wind down for the day. Needless to say, I'm exhausted. And my stomach is feeling particularly tight today.

I still am not "showing" yet. Although, I definitely look like I've gained a little weight in the midsection. We had dinner with Penny last Friday and she noticed a little since I wore a tight shirt (don't wear many of those these days :) I am in the 12th week now and baby is about the size of a plum. The exciting thing this week is that reflexes are beginning to form as the synapses in the brain are developing rapidly. I can hardly believe I am already about to be in the 2nd trimester.

Brittnie is in labor as I type. The doctor induced her last night (almost 24 hours ago). So, yeah, she has been laboring for almost a whole day. The last update I had was about an hour ago and she was dilated to 5. So hopefully, by early morning Brooklyn Sadie Bern will have entered the world! I can't wait! It is driving me insane having to be 5 hours away though. Sometimes I literally feel like I just don't know how much longer I can stand it. Like, one day I may just have a breakdown because I miss being a part of my family and friends lives so incredibly much. Sometimes, I physically hurt when I think about it. It has become especially worse as I think about having this baby and not having my family close. It simply isn't fair. What to do, though?

Relieved

2009-04-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling that hearing the baby's heart beat is never going to get old. We had our 2nd doctor's visit today and it went well. The baby's heart rate was at 170 (which everyone keeps saying that sounds like a girl...we shall see!). I've gained about 4 lbs :( I was not happy about that but nobody else seemed concerned so I guess that normal. I mean, I know its obviously normal to gain weight during pregnancy but I feel like its still so early, but oh well. They drew 7 vials of blood today since they forgot to do blood work last visit. They also made me pee in a cup twice. As we left (after we wrote out that fat $520 check) I told Eric, with all that blood and urine they wanted, I feel like they should have paid me!

Today concluded my spring semester. I feel tremendously relieved to be finished. I took my microbiology exam and my chemistry exam. After both exams, I felt pretty confident that I will have A's on each. Which also means, I will have all A's for the semester. Great feeling!

So now, I have a 2 month break from class until A&P2 in July. I plan to start this 2 month stretch by cleaning this weekend and buying a few new clothes since many of mine are getting a little snug.

Weekend

2009-04-26T18:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend was the FGO (for girls only) weekend at our church for the youth. A couple of months ago, Jeff the youth pastor, had asked me to speak so I had been looking forward to this for a while now. It was great! And I have to admit, I was envious. I just kept thinking how much I wish I could have had not just an awesome girls only weekend (details in a minute), but how much I wish I could have been a part of a solid and genuine youth group like the one at our church. These girls absolutely blew my mind at how Godly and wise they are. After speaking Friday night, they all broke off into groups by age and went to different homes. I joined the senior high girls and they were so inspiring! And funny! The bible study they did in their groups focused mainly on the differences between guys and girls. One girl said "I don't think it's fair that we always give guys the rep that all they ever think about is sex". The group leader, the host, and myself all looked at each other (we're all married), and busted out laughing. We were all like, sorry to break it to you sweetie, but mostly, sex IS what they are always thinking about.

We were going to have a spa party Friday night as well, but none of the girls brought anything so we didn't. Saturday was really fun though. Except for the part where Jeff forgot to tell me that I was supposed to speak at 11:30, instead of 1:30 like the original schedule said. So, I was a little late needless to say. They just stalled. Later that day, we did a fashion show. Me and some of our college girls were the "models" and we each did 2 outfits. With each outfit, we did an immodest version and a modest version. It was great! I felt like quite a floozy in one outfit in particular, haha! But, the show was such a great idea. It was a great way to show some of the girls exactly what THEY look like in clothes like that and some simple changes you can make to an outfit to make it more appropriate and stylish (accessories included).

So just another couple of weeks left in this first trimester. I can hardly believe I'm already so close to entering the 2nd trimester. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and looking forward to it. It will be nice to hear the heartbeat again and make sure everything is going as it should be. I'm not sure what else they will do at this appointment, but I will be sure to post any updates. This is week 11 and they baby is the size of a fig. Its little arms and legs are kicking all over the place even though I can't feel it. He/she also hiccups now since the diaphragm is forming :) Here's a pic of the development.Looking more and more like a baby every week! For some reason, the text is wanting to underline and I can't figure out how to take it off. Oh, well.

Ok, so now it quit. Very strange. 2 more finals to go and I am done with the semester. They are both on Thursday, same day as my dr's appointment. I will be SO glad when Thursday is over!

Shocked

2009-04-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today has been so crazy...actually, crazy does not begin to even describe it. It started yesterday, really, with a board meeting. During which, our president explains that the next step for Paces was to begin letting several people go because we simply do not have the funds to continue paying 5 employees. They explained that they would meet with each of us individually today to discuss what decision had been made for each of us. Of course, after the meeting, all of us discussed what we thought was going to happen and who we thought they would keep. What a shock we were all in for.

After meeting with all of us today, there are 2 of us left. 2 including myself. For starters, I thought for sure they would go ahead and let me go since I am the newest hire. Secondly, I thought for sure they would keep the one they asked just a few months ago to be the interim director. And...I am only there through the month of June when my grant ends (which was clarified in my meeting with the board today). This means, that after June, Paces will have 1 employee. Please tell me how an organization can function with only 1 employee?

It was a very sad and stressful day. The 3 employees that they let go have 2 weeks from today until they are finished. I am sad for these friends of mine who have now lost their jobs, and I am sad for the clients that they will no longer be able to serve. Paces is changing immensely and I am really don not see how it is going to continue. And honestly, I don't think the board knows either.

Wrapping up

2009-04-19T19:26:00.000-07:00

With only one more week of class left to go, I find myself asking that same old question...where does time go? This semester really has flown by. I finished teaching the program to my 9th graders at 2 of the schools this past week. One of the schools absolutely made my week. A bunch of the students wrote thank you letters to me. Some of them made me laugh hysterically and some brought tears to my eyes. One of the funny ones was written just like the girl was writing a note to a friend. At the bottom, enclosed in a heart, she wrote " (her name) + Mrs. Kristie= besties!" Oh my, how I laughed! This same group of students, on my last day, gave me a few little gifts for the baby. They gave me a little picture frame for the ultrasound and below the space for the photo it reads "love at first sight", its precious! I love it!

On a less joyful note, things still are not looking too hopeful for Paces. I've already accepted that I'm losing my job there, but it really makes me sad that it probably won't be around much longer. After speaking with our financial officer and interim director, after the next pay period, they are not sure how we will be sustained. I am still pretty iffed that our president did not complete the TANF grant application in time. That really could have sustained us for another year. I have decided, however, what I am going to try to do as far as a job. To get us through the next year until I start nursing school, I am going to try to get a job as a substitute teacher. The pay is certainly not bad (more than I make now) and there is some flexibility with it too, which will be great. I am praying that this will work out.

I am more than ready for finals to be over with. This week I have 4 exams. I am not stressing too much for my anatomy lab final, though, because as long as I make above a 55, I will still have an A in the class. I am most worried about my A&P online exam. It is comprehensive and her tests this semester have been pretty ridiculous. I refuse to settle for anything but an A, though.

Well, I am entering week 10 of pregnancy. After this week, the baby will officially be considered a fetus. It is past much of the risks for defects now and begins a very rapid period of growth. Little fingernails have already formed and he/she is covered in tiny little hairs that look like peach fuzz. As for me, I definitely feel much better than a few weeks ago. I have not had any morning sickness in weeks and I finally feel a little less fatigued, though, that isn't completely gone yet. I read that now since the placenta has formed, my hormones are leveling back off which lessens many of those symptoms. So, praise God for having a placenta! Here's a picture of what the baby is supposed to look like. The forhead looks really big because the brain is growing really fast, alot faster than the rest of the baby right now. Oh, and he/she is about the length of a lime or kumquat.

Gender prediction

2009-04-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

This will be short but I wanted to go ahead a document this just for the sake of it. So, my friend Laura has a little girl, Rowan, who is 4 years old. Apparently, she has been 4 for 4 on guessing the gender of unborn babies. So I asked Laura to ask her what I'm having and she replied without hesitation.....GIRL!!!

Ok, ok...so I know this obviously isn't fool proof but that made me happy! I think I am really hoping for a girl, but I will be super happy with a boy too. So, we'll see if she hits 5 for 5 in a few months!

No more tail

2009-04-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

Yet again, I find myself blogging instead of studying like I should be. I have a final exam on Tuesday in my chemistry lab and another exam the same day in my chemistry lecture. Bleh...totally unmotivated right now.

It was a great weekend. On Friday night, Eric and I treated ourselves to some coffee and cheesecake from Cafe Buono, our favorite little place for dessert. Saturday, we drove to Pine Bluff to spend the rest of the weekend with his family. We dyed Easter eggs that evening and it was so much fun! It's been years since I have dyed eggs and it made me feel like a kid again. And despite the miserable, dreary weather we had all day today, Easter was a great day. We went to Eric's mom's church for worship this morning. Afterwards, we headed to his grandparent's for lunch and it was quite the feast! Really, it was like Thanksgiving dinner, except with a ham instead of turkey. Baby Lloyd got lots of good food today! Including chocolate pie.

Speaking of whom, we are now at 9 weeks of pregnancy. I think I forgot to mention in my last post that the doctor moved my due date to November 16, instead of the 7th. Which, I knew the 7th was off I just wasn't sure by how much. After measuring the baby with the ultrasound machine, thats how they determined the age of gestation. So, I'm now entering week 9.

Baby's tail is completely gone now (yay!) so he/she looks less like a tad pole now :) The heart is supposed to finish dividing into 4 chambers this week. He/she is about the size of a grape now and the teeth are forming too. The sex organs are already formed too, even though we won't get to actually see that until the baby gets a little bigger.

Baby Lloyd

2009-04-06T16:13:00.000-07:00

While I am waiting on my dinner to finish cooking in the oven (chicken canneloni, yum!), I decided I would post an update. Friday, I had my first doctor's appointment. They did an ultrasound and we heard the heart beat, which, the tech said was "really goin' at it!". So, that was great to hear. Here is a picture of the ultrasound.

That is the baby on the left and the circle thing you see on the right is the yolk sac. That is what nourishes the baby until the placenta and umbilical cord develop.

At the doctor's appointment, they gave me some interesting information. I have an oddly shaped uterus, which is called a bicornuate uterus. Instead of being more circular/oblong, my uterus is has 2 "horns", so it is shaped more like a heart. The doctor all but made me promise not to reasearch on the internet because she said I would simply worry if I read everything possible thing that could be a result of this, but she doesn't realize how BIG of a request that is for me. But, I've held out pretty good so far. I did look it up, but only to see an image of a bicornuate uterus, not actual information, though it has been very challenging not to. I already know that there is a higher risk of miscarriage with this and the doctor said that there is also a higher risk for having a breach baby. Regardless, I'm not worrying about it. I am trusting God.

Well, this post will be short because my dinner is almost ready and I really should be studying right now instead of blogging. I hope you enjoy the ultrasound photo!

Porkchop and my bean

2009-03-30T17:24:00.000-07:00

Tonight, for the first time in over 5 years, I ate a porkchop...and it was delicious! I actually made my grandma's recipe for porkchops and gravy, along with some mashed potatoes and corn. There's nothing really special or great about the porkchops themselves, its the gravy that makes the whole thing! Needless to say, Eric was VERY excited to come home and have porkchops for supper.

It looks as if I probably won't be working for PACES after this summer. The grant that funds the sex education program (as well as my salary) has changed its requirements and we are not even eligible to apply for next year. My last hope was in another grant that was due today by 3 p.m. but our board president failed to finish writing the grant application in time. So, that's that. I am uncertain what my job situation will look like after June. I know that not many people are just eager to hire a pregnant woman. I'm trying very hard not to worry and simply trust that God IS going to provide, whether it is through a job or not, provision will come.

So this is the 8th week of my pregnancy, which means I about 2/3 of the way through the first trimester. The baby is about the size of a kidney bean, has sprouted little webbed hands and feet, and the exciting news is that her (or his) tail is almost completely gone :) The morning sickness seems to be lightening up a little. After a whole week of terrible nausea, I am certainly glad to get some relief. I hope I'm not speaking to soon, but I didn't have any on Saturday, it returned a bit on Sunday, and then today I felt fine again. So, I'm hoping it continues to stay away. Here a pic of what the little bean is supposed to look like.

Week 7

2009-03-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, as week 7 has arrived so has the morning sickness. I haven't actually thrown up yet but every morning since last Thursday, I have felt nauseous usually for about an hour or so after I take a shower. Bleh....

So, this is supposed to be what the baby looks like this week. He/She is now the size of a blueberry :) And, my uterus has doubled in size already!

I'm enjoying my sister and nephew this week. They are staying with me until Thursday and I'm loving it! Noah is so funny. Just a little while ago, he wanted to eat some cereal. So, Cara fixed him a bowl, sat him at the table with it, and she returned to the couch. A minute or so later Noah says very matter of factly, "Mom, I have a question....why would you give your child a spoon like this?" We all were rolling with laughter! All of the smaller spoons were in the dishwasher so all we had were the bigger tablespoons and Noah apparently does not think those are appropriate for children.

Here is a photo from yesterday evening when Noah wanted to help mop the kitchen floor.

Growing

2009-03-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

As I enter week 6 of my pregnancy, I think I still do not completely believe that I am pregnant, lol. I mean, I KNOW that I am pregnant, but other than the fatigue and sore breasts (yeah, like you really wanted to know that!) I really don't feel pregnant. I am getting pretty excited about it though. I've been online window shopping for baby stuff. I found a really cool crib that I love but I can't find anywhere that sells it. It was on the BabiesRus website but it was advertising the bedding and not the actual crib. So, I searched their cribs but had no luck.

So this is what the baby will look like this week. It doesn't look much like a baby, more of an alien really. As you can see, he/she has a tail right now. The baby will be the size of a sweet pea before the week is over.

Planning

2009-03-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

Well, its been a whole week since we found out that we were having a baby, and what a week it has been. Who would have known that plans that you've been working toward for the past 6 months could drastically change within just a few days. It looks like I have to put the nursing program on hold for now. I talked with my advisor and she told to wait until Fall 2010 to apply for the program. I was pretty disappointed, to be honest, but I know its the best thing to do. She explained that the first year of life is so important and that I would regret it later if I went straight back to school after the baby was born. She also said that the accelerated program is demanding and stressful under the best circumstances and that she does not reccomend it for a new mom. I was pretty bummed but I'm relieved at the same time to at least have that decision made now.

With that decision being made, I have now begun trying to figure out what the next year is going to look like. Here's what I've come up with so far. Well, summer is still a little sketchy because I'm not even sure that I can stay on at PACES for June and July because my grant runs out in May. So, if thats the case then I will go ahead and take my 2 summer classes and start back at PACES in August. Not having an income those 2 months will certainly be challenging but I guess thats just something else we will have to figure out. So, I will continue teaching the sex ed program up until I have the baby in November. I plan on taking the rest of the year off from then on out. Then, more than likely, I will return to teaching in January but probably work just 3 days a week, if that works with out with my grant.

So, I feel much better now that we at least have a vague outline of a plan. Its certainly not at all what I thought next year would look like for us, but I guess you just have to go with the flow and make the best out of it. One of these days, I'm going to learn to stop getting hung up on MY plans. You would think as much as God has changed our plans in the past few years, I would have learned by now.

I'm still waiting to find out whether or not I'm approved for the CHIP insurance that I applied for. I'm praying that I do get approved, otherwise, we may have to give the doctors the baby just to pay for all of it. Its crazy how expensive it is in the country for prenatal, labor and delivery. I also thinks it ridiculous that maternity coverage is so difficult to get. What a messed up health care system we have!

Expecting

2009-03-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

An enormous change has already begun in mine and Eric's life, for those of you have yet to hear the news. We found out Friday that we are expecting our first baby! I am around 5 weeks along and the estimated due date is November 7, 2009. This could still change, though.

Tons of emotions and thoughts are still running through our minds. Personally, I can't even begin to describe all the things that are on my mind, even at this very moment. So many things are about to change. For starters, I still don't know what this means for the nursing program that I was planning to start in August. Now, I am having to consider the possibility of putting that on hold for a year (which makes me want to cry). I have no idea how we are going to afford the expenses of pregnancy and having a baby. I have no idea how we are going to make room for the baby, we're already busting at the seems as far as storage goes. I feel like a big fast forward button has been pressed on our lives. We have nothing but faith to fuel us ahead.

To pass along the information I've researched so far: Our little one is about the size of a sesame seed and the heart will begin beating during this coming week. I feel perfect. I have not had any of the nausea that some women experience (though, I know its still early and I'm knocking on wood). The only negative thing (other than the confusion and crazy emotions) is the headaches I've had the past few days as I have stopped drinking caffeine. And I reallllllly want a diet pepsi right now. I'm going to miss those for the next 9 months.

Please keep us in your prayers. Like I said, faith is about the only thing we have at this point. I'm trying very, very hard to trust fully that God will provide. He always has, and I know that He always will. Sometimes, its just much easier to see that provision in retrospect than before the fact. I'm guessing this will be one of those situations.

Remembering

2009-03-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

It is baffling how quickly 6 years can pass without even realizing it. 6 years ago, I was a junior in high school. I was living at home with Mama and Papa; Cara was in college and had her own apartment. Junior year was the year that I started to get serious about my grades and about college. So, I joined some extracurricular stuff, like Key Club and Student Council. I hated going to the meetings because I always felt so out of place, especially student council. It was all of the preppy kids with rich parents. Nobody really talked to me, unless I initiated the conversation (which was very difficult for me in high school, I was the epitome of low self esteem, believe it or not). I simply sat by myself waiting for the meeting to end. I went anyway because I knew student council looked good for college and scholarship applications.

I was "in love" with a boy in my chemistry class. Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same. I tried and tried to flirt with him to get him to like me but, I just couldn't get him to notice. I wanted so badly for him to ask me out but instead, he started dating a girl that nobody could even compare to. It sucked and I felt heartbroken, but as always, those things fade and I (obviously) recovered.

I also worked at a grocery store. Only for about 2 months really, January thru March. Mama practically got me the job because she talked to the manager for me. Everyday after school, I would go to Aunt Dean's house to eat a snack and watch an hour of Days of Our Lives before I had to be at work. I loved my afternoons with Aunt Dean but I hated that job more than any job I've ever had. My boss was a jerk and it was a nasty grocery store. So, one day I just called in and said I'm not coming in today or any day after this. The boss (yeah, the jerk) called to try and convince me to stay but I made Mama tell him I wasn't home. Haha...this makes me laugh remembering it.

Cara and I didn't see each other very much during this year. She was consumed in her first year of college and freedom (and all that it entails). She lived a good 20 minutes away from mama and papa and it really sucked. Now more than ever, it makes me wish that we would have truly realized how great it was when we did live together as kids.

March of my junior year was an incredibly difficult month for me. Brittany Fuson, a very smart, popular girl in my class was killed because she was driving drunk and crashed her car off of a river embankment. I was not close with Brittany, but had a few classes with her. I had such a difficult time wrapping my mind around the concept of her death. Well, just a week or so later, my uncle Ed died from cancer. Talk about rubbing salt in a wound. I was beside myself. I hated the fact that he was gone. I loved him so much and it hurt to see aunt Helga lose her soulmate. I just wanted to be 7 years old again so he could take me to Six Flags and Discover Zone. His death made me face something that, even to this day, I intentionally and consciously avoid thinking about.

Finally, to the point of what initiated this post, within just a couple of weeks of Brittany's death and Uncle Ed's death, I get a phone call from my best friend Brittnie after church one Sunday. She asked if I had talked to my sister or my grandma? Of course I had not but knew immediately something wasn't right. So, I call Cara only to learn that Grandma had passed away. This was unbelievable to me. Grandma wasn't sick, she hadn't been in the hospital, she seemed perfectly fine the last time I spoke with her on the phone. But, when a person with emphysema simply can't make it those last few steps to the breathing machine, there isn't much warning to the family. I was devastated. I miss her a great deal and still think about her often.

Tonight, after our small group bible study, I found a card laying on the table. It was a card that I recognized so I immediately ask Eric why it is laying on the table. It was the last birthday card that Grandma ever gave to me, my 17th birthday. See, I saved the card in my bible that I used as a teenager. Eric just so happened to grab that bible off of our bookshelf to use for tonight, he saw the card, and took it out just to get it out of his way. On the inside of the card, as was trademark for all of Grandma's card, was the date at the top 12/6/02. Then written at the top, in her not so easily read cursive handwriting, "Happy #17 birthday. We are losing our Baby. I wish you luck but I'm sad." Then at the bottom, "I love you always and forever, Grand Ma"

I've read this card many times before and naturally, it always makes me very emotional. It brings back a flood of memories of that whole month of March when I was 17. However, what is so awesome about the card is that on the back of the card (where Hallmark would typically be written), is the bible verse Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This just so happens to be my favorite verse of scripture. The first time I discovered this on the back of the card, I cried and cried. I'm always amazed in the ways that God comforts me.

So, without realizing it before this evening, this March has been 6 years since I last saw my Grandma, Mary Katherine Corbitt. Where does 6 years go? And what an awesome way that I was reminded of this anniversary.

Feeling inspired

2009-03-01T19:32:00.001-08:00

Another great weekend has come and gone, as well as another month. We enjoyed spending our weekend with Eric's dad and sister. Their original plan was to arrive Friday night and leave Saturday night after the Fireflight concert that Brooke and I went to. However, we ended up with several inches of snow and the roads were pretty bad last night, so, they stayed last night as well.

I'm feeling a little less stressed than I was last time I posted. I spoke with my adivsor and she basically told me I was worrying way too much about not getting in. The guy in my chem class was obviously misinformed because the lowest GPA they accepted into the program last fall was 3.49. And, they plan to have 24 spots for the program in August, compared to 16 spots in the past. Additionally, another way that God seems to be putting everything right into place for me, the summer classes that I have to take are going to work out perfectly! I will take Organic/ Biochemistry in June at Black River College in Pocahontas and A&PII here in Jonesboro at ASU. Originally, I thought I would have to drive to West Memphis to get in that chemistry class. So, I am very relieved and feeling a little foolish for not trusting God more faithfully.

As I prepared for our bibly study on Wednesday, I was feeling like finally, someone has put words to what I've been thinking for so long. Our study is called "Sent" and the basic premise is that church was never meant to be an institution. Christians are sent into the world to do the same as Jesus did: seek and save the lost. Well, our next lesson is something that I wish every Christian, especially in this bible-belt part of our nation, would read. Here is a few brief excerpts from it:

" While there are things we can't support as Christians, we ought to ask ourselves as messengers of reconciliation: are we really for anything, or are we just trying to stop things we deem as morally inappropriate from happening?"

Typically, the times Christians are in the media is when they are holding anit-gay and anti-abortion and anti- whatever protest signs. Keep in mind that these are obviously not the majority represented but still, too many have a similar mindset. They aren't at all concerned that there is a sinner behind the sin. A sinner that is not so much unlike ourselves, that God loves and wants to have a relationship with.

"We must be known for what we are doing to make our communities, countries, and world better in the name of Jesus rather than only what we oppose."

"Unfortuately, too many of our neighbors know us only as the group who doesn't trick-or-treat or read Harry Potter. And, if that's the case, then how in the world are we helping people experience relationship with God?"

and, just one more that I was like A-freaking-men...

"...our role on this earth is not to represent our preferences. We are ambassadors, but we are not ambassadors of "traditional" organ music, the suit industry, or the Republican party....I am not to represent them. I am to represent JESUS."